They are the lines that, decades after they're uttered, continue to crack you up.
Maybe it's when your son, upon whom you have pinned such high hopes, says he wants to be a dolphin when he grows up. Or when your daughter, looking angelic, asks your husband's boss why she's a hooker.
Children are funny, as Lifetime intends to remind us, in "Seriously Funny Kids," premiering Tuesday, Feb. 1. Since early television, many -- notably Art Linkletter and Bill Cosby -- have had hilarious chats with children.
Lifetime is betting on Heidi Klum, supermodel and host of "Project Runway," to do the same. The knockout Klum has graced the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue and strutted in Victoria's Secret fashion shows. Yet she is also the mother of four, all under 6, and she knows how funny kids can be.
"It is light and fun and crazy," she says of the show, which was not available for review. "There are a lot of commercials on my show, and basically I am interviewing the children, and there's some hidden camera stuff, so it is a mixture of different things. We do a skit where I have a giant booger shoved up my nose."
Kids will do commercials the way actors in the 1950s did. Viewers will send in videos and still photos.
Klum and executive producer Eric Schotz stress that although it is a show featuring kids, it is not a kids show.There is no set format. Some half-hour episodes may feature 20 snippets and others fewer. The crucial aspect is to allow kids to be themselves.
"There is nothing for grown-ups about kids," Klum says. "It is such a fun and happy thing to watch kids speak their mind."
Klum dances with every child on the show, though Schotz explains dancing is expanded to include basketball, karate and all forms of movement.
"I have learned a lot of new dances. The hit-the-golf-ball dance and reel-the-fish-in dance. We used to do the stir-the-cabbage-in-the-pot dance," Klum says of her childhood in Germany.
Between Klum and her husband, R&B artist Seal, he's definitely the funnier one, she says.
"Just because of his looks," Klum says. "He is so tall and looks very rugged. He's a tall rock star with leather pants and a leather jacket, and he is on the floor and they do hop-on horsey. It looks pretty funny to me."
Klum, naturally, knows how to talk to kids, and she remembers the indignity of adults talking down to them."I talk to them like people, and I don't treat them like children," she says.
As such, a 4-year-old explains aging. "She says when you laugh a lot and have so much fun, you get wrinkles that go around the eyes, and the gray hair is when follicles lose color," Klum says.
Klum asks the usual, including what they want to be when they grow up, but also asks, "What is the meaning of life?"
"Some say there is no meaning," she says. "Some say you are there to have fun and grow up and have a family. I am always interested to see what point of view a child has."
As any parent knows, kids don't censor themselves, which Schotz appreciates.
The new show rides on the shoulders of old shows such as the 1998-2000 series "Kids Say the Darndest Things" (which Schotz helped produce). A child proved that title remains true during a recent taping for "Seriously Funny Kids."
Klum asks, "Where do we come from?"
Schotz quotes the boy: "Well, Jesus took a potato and made man."Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun