7:11 p.m. Duchovny, apparently unaware that he was live on the air, dropped the F-bomb on TV Guide Channel.
7:09 p.m. First celebrity interview of the night: David Duchovny on the phone from Vancouver, discussing his win for "Californication." Instead of watching the press event, he went to see "The Bucket List." TV Guide co-host Maria Sansone to Duchovny: "And how did you find ["Bucket List"]?" Duchovny: "It was right across the street."
7:07 p.m. I don't know how many entertainment show anchor groupies there are, but I suspect that if you do a little calling around, you'll find them all huddling up at some bar in Hollywood later tonight. Drinking away their sorrows.
6:49 p.m. For those craving awkward banter and a much slower pace, check out NBC's coverage, in which Billy Bush and Nancy O'Dell chat about the winners, show lots of clips and throw to insta-analysis by Entertainment Weekly's Dave Karger. It's also fun to witness Bush bumping up against the limits of his film knowledge: "Burton and Depp. It's like Scorsese and DiCaprio!" Let's hope Robert DeNiro decided not to watch TV tonight.
6:42 p.m. TV Guide Channel is re-running the entire press conference again. In case you had to blink.
6:39 p.m. On E!, they're showing "The Soup" already. Guess they'd like to pretend this whole Golden Globes thing never happened.
6:33 p.m. Already I see the difference. What's NBC's secret? Two words: sound effects. WOOOSH!
6:32 p.m. I've just been informed that NBC's version of the show is a lot more exciting than the awkward press conference I just watched. I just switched over, but it's apparent that the evening's real losers are anybody who decided to watch the coverage on TV Guide Channel or E!
6:27 p.m. Mary Hart on Viggo Mortensen in "Eastern Promises": "That was one scary naked fight scene."
6:24 p.m. Mary Hart is recapping her favorite moments from previous Globes shows, including Jack Nicholson mooning the audience. "We'll have those next year," she said. Why wait, Mary? No time like the present. Give your bored colleagues something to gossip about. Only you can empathize with the pain of having to report on an unventful awards show.
6:20 p.m. This Golden Globes seems to be wish fulfillment night for those in the Hollywood entertainment press. Not that they ever hoped to win a Golden Globe. But they certainly seem giddy about passing them out. Let's see if we can get the network news anchors to pass out the Oscars if this strike goes on much longer.
6:17 p.m. Apparently, this live press conference has been sponsored by Jell-O. What I wouldn't pay to get a peek at their gifting suite.
6:12 p.m. Giuliana Rancic of E! is babbling about her acting skills and how excited she is to be up there. Guess it doesn't take a bunch of actors to make rambling speeches. Media people can take care of that just fine.
6:09 p.m. I'm a fast typer, but in the time it took me to write that post, they announced four awards. In the time it took me to write this, they announced two more. This is like the Golden Globes lightning round.
6:07 p.m. At some point or another, nearly every philosophy student with an interest in entertainment has pondered, "What if they gave out awards in Hollywood and no one showed up to accept them?" Until now, there's always been at least one or two celebrities willing to show up to either moderate or accept every kind of award Hollywood could come up with. Except for tonight. This is being carried live on several networks and there is not a single movie star in sight. For those out there who hate awards shows, this could be the ultimate achievement of their dreams.
6:06 p.m. CNN's Brooke Anderson is "honored and thrilled to be here tonight." Somehow I don't believe her.
6:03 p.m. Best Original Song: "Guaranteed" from "Into the Wild."
6:02 p.m. First award goes to Cate Blanchett for "I'm Not There."
6:01 p.m. Lara Spencer of "The Insider" is the first presenter. She seems a little embarassed to be up there.
5:54 p.m. Six minutes until the Globes press event. What's going to happen? I don't think anyone knows.
5:50 p.m. First scripted groan-worthy line of the evening comes from Matt Lauer introducing Sally Field on the NBC "Going for Gold" special: "There's a powerhouse of talent packed in that tiny frame."
5:18 p.m. On the East Coast, they're watching a Dateline NBC interview with Globe nominee Amy Adams on her role in "Enchanted." She's described as a "triple-threat" because she sings, dances and acts. By my calculations, that makes me a quintuple threat. I write, talk, eat, sleep and pay my bills on time. Here's hoping next year is my year.
5:13 p.m. CNN doesn't seem to have any Golden Globes pre-reporting. But oddly, they're not covering the presidential primaries or Iraq, either. Instead, they're running a "Special Investigative Unit" special on Rosie O'Donnell and scandal. Way to break that news!
5:03 p.m. Carrie Keagan, from TV Guide, is live in the Beverly Hilton ballroom. She just said that she may be the only celebrity in the room. Which begs the question: Who is Carrie Keagan?
4:55 p.m. TV Guide Channel just ran a commercial for eBay that starts with a fake awards show. I have to admit to drifting off to a snoozy, warm place at my desk, but was snapped back to reality by the traditional sounds of Hollywood award-ery. Sadly, it was only a commerical. I wonder if TV Guide will run this commercial several times this evening, in the hopes of tricking people into staying with them.
4:51 p.m. Over at the TV Guide Channel, they're counting down to the Globes with a McLaughlin-style roundtable of entertainment journos trying to come up with things to talk about.
4:25 p.m. Ryan Seacrest is showing up occasionally to reassure the public that yes, there will be a Golden Globes show coming later tonight. The next episode of "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" is almost over. No blurred nudity in this one. No puppies, either. But we do have a homeless person hanging out with the Kardashian sisters. This show is getting gritty.
4:17 p.m. According to The Envelope's own Tom O'Neil, the Globes will be covered on ABC, NBC, E!, TV Guide Channel and CNN. He says it may also be covered on CBS and Fox. What will all these networks be showing us? Not celebrities, that's for sure. Instead, we'll be getting a "United Nations" of entertainment show talking heads to help pass out the awards. Representatives from "Showbiz Tonight," "Entertainment Tonight," "Inside Edition," "E! News Daily" and "The Insider" will all be on hand, along with HFPA president Jorge Camara. With all these showbiz show people gathered under one roof, we can only hope that Pat O'Brien will be taken to an undisclosed, but secure, location. You can read all the details here.
3:54 p.m. Here we go! It's Golden Globes Sunday and last I heard, the awards are still being announced later this evening. Of course, like everything else related to this awards season, that's subject to change. One thing we know for sure, however, is that there is no red carpet at the Beverly Hilton this year. So with slightly more than two hours to go before the (not so) big event, E! is showing us reruns of "Keeping Up With the Kardashians." Lots of puppies and blurred nudity.