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Why Don't People Go on Dates Anymore?

The New York TimesGucci Group NV

Is the age of proper dating over? That's the question posed by the New York Times in a new article entitled "The End of Courtship?" The article laments the death of the traditional courtship and longs for the days when couples went out on traditional dates to fancy restaurants. You know, the strategy that resulted in our current 60% divorce rate. It also provides some of the reasons for this cultural shift. For example the fact that no guy under 30 can afford to take a girl out because none of them have jobs. Here are some interesting quotes that reveal the psychology behind this sea change:

“It’s like online job applications, you can target many people simultaneously — it’s like darts on a dart board, eventually one will stick,” said Joshua Sky, 26... “because you only want to invest in a mate you’re going to get more out of.”

“Once women begin recognizing these more ambiguous settings as opportunities for romantic possibility,” Ms. Massa said, “they really start seeing their love lives as much more intriguing and vibrant than they did when they were only judging themselves by how many ‘dates’ they had lined up.”

“Maybe there’s still a sense of a man taking care of a woman, but our ideology is aligning with the reality of our finances,” Ms. Rosin said. As a man, you might “convince yourself that dating is passé, a relic of a paternalistic era, because you can’t afford to take a woman to a restaurant.”

“A lot of men in their 20s are reluctant to take the girl to the French restaurant, or buy them jewelry, because those steps tend to lead to ‘eventually, we’re going to get married,’ ” Mr. Edness, 27, said. In a tight economy, where everyone is grinding away to build a career, most men cannot fathom supporting a family until at least 30 or 35, he said.

I stopped going on proper dates by the time I turned 23. I learned pretty quickly that spending $120 on a dinner and burning a Friday night for someone you've barely talked to is not a great plan. Especially when you can throw a party and invite a bunch of girls. Don't get me wrong, I am most certainly not one of the guys in this article. I will take a girl out if we've gotten along well on a previous occasion, I always give advance notice and I rarely text dong pics unprovoked. But I'd much rather spend time with a girl in a social setting like a house party than to go to some stuffy restaurant and talk about our day jobs. You can learn more about a person by being their beer pong partner than you can by going to dinner. If a girl can demonstrate that she has a good attitude, likes having fun and isn't above drinking Natty Light, then she's a keeper. If she complains about spilling beer on her Gucci shoes and she can't hit the triangle 3-rack, then I kick her to the curb.

 

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