Ali Vincent, 'The Biggest Loser'

Ali Vincent

The live finales for "The Biggest Loser" are kind of bizarre, as it's basically two hours of people stepping on and off scales. They could easily do this in an hour (or less), but they choose not to. Still, it's great to see how people look and how they've been doing.

First order of business: who did America vote for? Apparently, America prefers a cocky, bullying good-old-boy jock to a snippy-then-weepy New Englander -- Roger will compete in the finals. Roger looks like he's shed an entire person, and I can't imagine how either Ali or Kelly could compete with that, unless they cut off a limb right before getting on the scale.

The Eliminated

I love seeing everybody come back on stage, all dressed up and looking fine. They all look substantially healthier. Standouts:

* Mallory, Jackie and Amanda could easily compete on MILF Island -- they look incredible.

* Neill and Dan both seem to be sporting some variation on the Fauxhawk, making my eyes nearly roll out of their sockets. Besides the hair, they're looking good.

* Bette Sue gets a huge round of applause -she's still sassy and fabulous. I loved her.

* Mark and Jay both look sharp -- and skinny -- in their spiffy suits.

* Bernie looks fantastic, and gets the biggest round of applause. Yay, Bernie!

* Holy crap, Brittany is SMOKIN'. Seriously, the girl always looked amazing, but now she looks like a pin-up girl. Wow. I'm surprised people weren't throwing underwear on the stage.

Curtis takes an early lead (he's lost the equivalent of a healthy female adult) and holds onto it for a long, long time. Not bad for someone who got booted off in week 2. Then Dan hits the scale and dethrones Curtis -- curses. I loved Curtis, and Dan bugs the crap out of me.

But Dan doesn't hold the top spot long -- Bernie, the people's hero and my Biggest Loser boyfriend, knocks him off podium, Go Bernie! Then it's a tense wait as the final three weigh in. Brittany, while smoking hot, doesn't pose a threat, but Mark and Jay both look dangerous. Jay doesn't make it, and Mark misses dethroning Bernie by only two pounds. Wow.

The Stats

* Lynn: Starting weight: 409 pounds. Final weight: 329 pound. Weight lost: 80 pounds. Percentage lost: 19.56%.

* Jenni: Starting weight: 267 pounds. Final weight: 213 pounds. Weight lost: 54 pounds. Percentage lost: 20.22%.

* Jenn: Starting weight: 254 pounds. Final weight: 190 pounds. Weight lost: 64 pounds. Percentage lost: 25.20%.

* Brittany: Starting weight: 221 pounds. Final weight: 164 pounds. Weight lost: 57 pounds. Percentage lost: 25.79%.

* Neill: Starting weight: 317 pounds. Final weight: 229 pound. Weight lost: 88 pounds. Percentage lost: 27.76%

* Bette Sue: Starting weight: 261 pounds. Final weight: 186 pound. Weight lost: 75 pounds. Percentage lost: 28.74%.