Johnny Depp in 'Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street'

Johnny Depp in 'Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street'

7:11 p.m. Duchovny, apparently unaware that he was live on the air, dropped the F-bomb on TV Guide Channel.

7:09 p.m. First celebrity interview of the night: David Duchovny on the phone from Vancouver, discussing his win for "Californication." Instead of watching the press event, he went to see "The Bucket List." TV Guide co-host Maria Sansone to Duchovny: "And how did you find ["Bucket List"]?" Duchovny: "It was right across the street."

7:07 p.m. I don't know how many entertainment show anchor groupies there are, but I suspect that if you do a little calling around, you'll find them all huddling up at some bar in Hollywood later tonight. Drinking away their sorrows.

6:49 p.m. For those craving awkward banter and a much slower pace, check out NBC's coverage, in which Billy Bush and Nancy O'Dell chat about the winners, show lots of clips and throw to insta-analysis by Entertainment Weekly's Dave Karger. It's also fun to witness Bush bumping up against the limits of his film knowledge: "Burton and Depp. It's like Scorsese and DiCaprio!" Let's hope Robert DeNiro decided not to watch TV tonight.

6:42 p.m. TV Guide Channel is re-running the entire press conference again. In case you had to blink.

6:39 p.m. On E!, they're showing "The Soup" already. Guess they'd like to pretend this whole Golden Globes thing never happened.

6:33 p.m. Already I see the difference. What's NBC's secret? Two words: sound effects. WOOOSH!

6:32 p.m. I've just been informed that NBC's version of the show is a lot more exciting than the awkward press conference I just watched. I just switched over, but it's apparent that the evening's real losers are anybody who decided to watch the coverage on TV Guide Channel or E!

6:27 p.m. Mary Hart on Viggo Mortensen in "Eastern Promises": "That was one scary naked fight scene."

6:24 p.m. Mary Hart is recapping her favorite moments from previous Globes shows, including Jack Nicholson mooning the audience. "We'll have those next year," she said. Why wait, Mary? No time like the present. Give your bored colleagues something to gossip about. Only you can empathize with the pain of having to report on an unventful awards show.

6:20 p.m. This Golden Globes seems to be wish fulfillment night for those in the Hollywood entertainment press. Not that they ever hoped to win a Golden Globe. But they certainly seem giddy about passing them out. Let's see if we can get the network news anchors to pass out the Oscars if this strike goes on much longer.

6:17 p.m. Apparently, this live press conference has been sponsored by Jell-O. What I wouldn't pay to get a peek at their gifting suite.

6:12 p.m. Giuliana Rancic of E! is babbling about her acting skills and how excited she is to be up there. Guess it doesn't take a bunch of actors to make rambling speeches. Media people can take care of that just fine.

6:09 p.m. I'm a fast typer, but in the time it took me to write that post, they announced four awards. In the time it took me to write this, they announced two more. This is like the Golden Globes lightning round.

6:07 p.m. At some point or another, nearly every philosophy student with an interest in entertainment has pondered, "What if they gave out awards in Hollywood and no one showed up to accept them?" Until now, there's always been at least one or two celebrities willing to show up to either moderate or accept every kind of award Hollywood could come up with. Except for tonight. This is being carried live on several networks and there is not a single movie star in sight. For those out there who hate awards shows, this could be the ultimate achievement of their dreams.

6:06 p.m. CNN's Brooke Anderson is "honored and thrilled to be here tonight." Somehow I don't believe her.

6:05 p.m. Best Actress TV series Drama: Glenn Close in "Damages."

6:04 p.m. Best Supporting Actor - Series/Mini-Series/TV: Jeremy Piven in "Entourage." Spencer appears to have added her own acceptance speech for Pievn, muttering under her breath: "Very cool."

6:03 p.m. Best Original Song: "Guaranteed" from "Into the Wild."