DAPHNE: Hey there Idol fans, we are back with another round of auditions in Jacksonville. Joining me tonight are Artie Funk, and Dancer X who may feel out of his element in a singing competition. First up in Jacksonville is Joshua Ulloa who thinks he looks like Justin Guarini from season one. I think he neither looks like or acts like Justin. This guy is a little weird, and seems to be trying too hard to be "cool". He has an alright voice, but that is about it. The judges like him and send him through, but personally I would have sent him home. I guess that is why I'm not a judge.
ARTIE: Completely shocked he got through. Justin Guarini didn't even deserve to get put through, much less his undertalented Floridian doppelganger.
DANCER X: Dancer X wants to know if there is some kind of quota, that the judges would rubber stamp a Marvin Gaye impressionist so early in the show. Rich Little should apply; he'd be an instant winner with his Johnny Carson bit.
ARTIE: Before we get too far into it, dawg, I'd like to thank Ms. Diogoirdi for giving the Funkotron two huge glaring reasons to come back every night. I for one am glad to see that the bra-burning lessons of the 1970s did not go unlearned by this smokin' chick. God bless America!
DANCER X: To quote the great Adam West, I felt an unusual stirring in my utility belt.
DAPHNE: I am glad you boys enjoy Kara. I see no fault with that, because she is indeed hot. Now onto Julissa Veloz, the Beauty Pageant contestant, who was actually better than I thought she would be.
DANCER X: Right away, Dancer X is concerned about the young ladies of Jacksonville wearing old Tyra wigs. Dancer X suspects the humidity is to blame.
ARTIE: There was a very scary moment in Julissa's bit, and I don't mean the singing. It was when Paula suddenly hit the bricks. You can see the other judges looking off camera to the producers silently wondering "Is this it? Is this the day that Paula finally vanishes?"
DAPHNE: Julissa stopped Paula from leaving the show, and somehow that is what got her through to Hollywood. I am glad she got another chance. I'd like to hear sing something else. I think she might have potential.
DANCER X: Julissa, the happy recipient of one of Simon's "I'm Nice This Year" charity votes. She has no chance of surviving the Hollywood round.
ARTIE: Darin Darnell is up next. What is this train wreck? This cat is completely wired and social until some dude he just met gets the boot? I've seen lifetime coke users with a smoother comedown than this kid.