"Occu-Pa" Happy Valley
My campus gossips tell me a group of enthusiastic supporters of Penn State's recently dumped iconic coach, Joe Paterno, are looking to the popular nationwide "Occupy" protests to get their "Pro-Pa" message to the school and the nation. Calling it an "Occu-Pa" protest, the group plans to camp out on Paterno's front lawn with signs and chants. I've "over-Snerd" that while Paterno appreciates the gesture, the grumpy grandpa isn't too thrilled about having a group of vagabonds living on his front lawn for days or weeks. When hearing of the "Occu-Pa" plans, JoePa reportedly said, "They're gonna do what? Where? They bang on drums all day? Hey, I take a nap in the afternoon and I that's a lot of noise right outside your window. Also, you know, I just planted new sod this summer, and it just started to take. I don't want to see my lawn get trampled on by people sleeping in tents. And where do they plan on going to the bathroom? Geez, what a mess I created." It sounds like the protesters have overlooked how important sleep, lawns, and going to the bathroom are to an old man
Here's the REAL story behind Eddie Murphy stepping down as Academy Award host. My Tinsel Town tipsters tell me this entire affair was secretly orchestrated by the new host, Billy Crystal. I've "over-Snerd" that Crystal, who hinted last year he'd like to return to the Oscar hosting duties, chatted a few months ago with director and Oscar producer Brett Ratner, and suggested that while on press tours for his new movie, "Tower Heist," Ratner should push the envelope and in order to give the movie some box-office buzz. Ratner did just that, making slurs and sexually charged comments that got him dumped. Diabolical Billy also called old pal Murphy to offer some "friendly advice" and explained to Eddie the immense pressure that goes along with the Oscar hosting. By the end of their "pep talk," Eddie was curled up in the fetal position and wondering if he could bail out. A few weeks later, both Ratner and Murphy were gone, and Billy was in. It looks "Crystal clear" to Snerd that one "city slicker" sure knows how to play the Hollywood game.
Cutler's Is Nice, Butt
Bears quirky QB, Jay Cutler, took some expected razzing from teammates about the sassy tweet from his recently-reconciled gal pal, Kristen Cavallari, which sexily stated Cutler has the "nicest butt in the NFL." But I've "over-Snerd" her back-sided remark has started an unexpected "quarterback controversy." My football filers report supermodel, Gisele Bundchen, the wife of New England Patriots' play-caller, Tom Brady, is furious. Her boiling Brazilian temper was stoked because she believes that Brady's butt is better, and now she's determined to prove it to the world. Gisele is using her magazine world contacts to pitch a possible photo spread of Brady in the buff, exposing his bare derriere to the world. Brady has told buds he'd like to sack the idea, but I'm betting his wife has him jock-strapped
Leo (Cross) Dresses For The Role
Though hunky actor Leonardo DiCaprio was forced to wear tons of make-up for his current role as former FBI director, J. Edgar Hoover, my Hollywood set spies are spilling what Leo was happily wearing long after the day's shoots were over. A few years ago, stories began to surface that Hoover may have enjoyed dressing in women's clothing, and the new film, "J. Edgar," touches upon this historical "fact." I'm told Leo was seen wearing some fashionable frocks not only on camera, but as he drove in a golf cart around the Hollywood soundstages during filming, and even when he stood in line for the craft services buffet. Though he told shocked fellow diners that he was "just getting into my part," I've "over-Snerd" that Leo wore dresses when the left the studio at night, and was seen wearing a new outfit when he arrived to the set each morning. In fact, one day he reportedly asked his limo driver, "Does this dress make me look fat?" I'm hearing Leo is hoping to play the lead in a possible Elizabeth Taylor biopic one day
King Of "America"?
The surprise announcement last week that jowly judge on "America's Got Talent," Piers Morgan, was leaving the show to concentrate on his CNN chat show has created a stir as to who will replace him. Although the name of radio rascal, Howard Stern, has surfaced as a candidate, my spies tell me the man Morgan replaced on CNN, Larry King, is seriously throwing his suspenders in the ring for the job. According to King confidants, Larry is still upset that CNN forced him out, so he sees replacing Morgan as a nice piece of Hollywood irony
and sweet revenge. I've "over-Snerd" Larry declared to pals, "He took my job, so I'll take his, it's a dog-eat-dog business, and this old hound smells blood." When questioned about his judging skills, King countered, "If a basket case like Paula Abdul can do it, anyone can. I was friends with Brando and Sinatra
I KNOW talent. Plus, the show is called 'America's Got Talent," right? They should have more American judges. Piers and Sharon Osbourne was too many Brits. I'll put the 'America' back in the title, and it will be great to have two, nice Jewish boys, me, and Howie Mandell doing some shtick." Hollywood, California, hello?
Sting's Casino Crooning
When mega-rock stud Sting came to town for a sold-out solo show recently at the Rosemont Theater, the former "Police-man" didn't hit any of Our Town's trendy nightclubs, but instead, sauntered over to the newly-opened Rivers Casino in nearby Des Plaines. The gaggle of gamblers were aghast when Sting regularly laid down $1,000 bets on each hand of blackjack, casually plunked down a cool $50,000 on one spin of the roulette wheel (he bet the red and lost), and crapped out at the craps table. He later camped out for two hours playing the slots. When a pit boss told Sting Chicago was hoping to get a casino, but Governor Quinn was holding it up, he exclaimed, "That's bullocks! I must help!" The next day, the British bettor called Chicago mayor, Rahm Emanuel, and offered to let the city use his classic song "Roxanne" and spice it with gambling references as part of campaign for the Chicago casino, "I can change it to, 'Roulette, you don't have to bet on the pass line.' It will be fabulous!" No word if Rahm will be betting on Sting to get his casino
Not celebrating a birthday anymore: Two heavyweights, former heavyweight boxing champ, "Smokin"Joe Frazier, 67; and rotund rapper, Heavy D (Dwight Arrington Myers), 44; both breathless.
Until next time, keep venting!
SNERD - November 18th, 2011
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