Here's what happened.  What's happening.  And what's gonna' happen.

Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child with member of his household staff  (LA Times) 

AUDIO:  'Very little hurts anybody anymore' -- Tribune film critic Michael Phillips with Greg Jarrett this morning, reacting to Schwarzenegger story and affect it might have on his film career.  ALSO, Phillips provides exclusive early review of the new 'Pirates of the Caribbean 4'.  Hint:  'A huge step down..a whompin' disappointment.'

Kass (‘But no matter what you think of Mayor Emanuel, whether you voted for him or voted against him, whether you stood indifferent to the political intrigue and the Washington trade-off that led him to the fifth floor of City Hall, this should be clear. You've got to hope he does well. Because the way the mayor goes is the way the city goes.') 

Fake Niles doc used toothpicks for ‘acupuncture’ (Sun-Times) 

Monroe County driver hits two men fighting in middle road; one dead  

Live pipe bomb found in Western Springs mail box (The Patch)

Pres. Obama speeds-up talks with Taliban  (Washington Post) 

Bomb discovered on bus hours before Queen Elizabeth’s visit to Ireland (Daily Telegraph) 

Rosenthal (Jerry Lewis retiring from MDA telethon) 

Charles Barkley talks to Haugh (‘"You can tell Rose is Michael Jordan-ish without the angry competitor.  Michael wanted to kill you and would let you know it. This guy is a silent assassin’) 

Quade embarrassed after Cubs blow 4-run lead and lose to Reds 7-4 (Tribune)

DWTS recap; Kane #1, Ward #2, Alley #3, Macchio #4 (USA Today) 

Fon du Lac man eats his 25,000th Big Mac 

Lady Gaga has 10M Twitter followers (she's also the first person to hit 10M fans on Facebook, as well as 1B views on YouTube) 

Hot-selling 'Lazy Cakes', relaxation brownies, send kids to hospital (they're made with melatonin) 

Social workers remove 8-year-old girl from home after mom admits on GMA that she gives her Botox injections (Daily Mail)