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Greco Roman

Where was thy bark, man's best friend?

In the wake of the earthquake that jolted my apartment building and a large portion of the eastern United States on Tuesday, allow me to express my disappointment in the local pet population. Long known for possessing the ability to sense impending natural phenomena, animals are nature's early warning system. Yet in the minutes leading up to the magnitude 5.8 quake — reportedly the strongest to strike the area since 1944 — not a single bark, meow, chirp, or whatever it is that turtles do, sounded through the cheaply insulated walls of my building.

Oh sure, pets can make all the ungodly racket they want when they're hungry, need attention, or simply want to keep me...