(September 4, 2013)

My wife was in the midst of pouring a bottle of Guinness Stout down the drain when I entered the kitchen. A second, empty bottle was in the garbage.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"Are you cheating on me?"

"Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Guinness Stout is the beer most preferred by men looking to cheat on their spouses. It's all right here in this survey," she said, thrusting her iPad toward me. "Go ahead, read it!"

"I will if you step away from the sink. And ... put ... the ... bottle ... opener ... down."

She complied, giving me time to scroll through IllicitEncounters.com, a U.K.-based dating site for people "looking for a little romance outside their current relationship. Whether that's the occasional bit of flirtatious chat, a regular coffee date or a full-blown affair, that's up to them."

Remember the days when there was no Internet?

The fine, upstanding folks at Illicit Encounters surveyed the site's male members and found that Guinness Stout was their most preferred brew. Corona Extra came in second, followed by Italian beer Peroni Nastro Azzurro, Filipino libation San Miguel and, rounding out the top five, good old, made-in-the-U.S.A. Budweiser. Considering over 101 million cases of Budweiser were sold domestically in 2012, a lot of American men have some explaining to do.

"Honey, I would never cheat on you," I reassured her.

"Then what's with the 12 pack in the fridge?"

"You mean the 10 pack, right? Two are in the disposal. How did you end up on this site anyway?"

"I googled 'Morton's.' The steakhouse? I was hoping we could go there for dinner some time."

"I love that idea. But what does Morton's The Steakhouse have to do with infidelity?"

"It's the most popular American restaurant for people looking to cheat."

"Let me guess," I said. "IllicitEncounters again?"

"No. AshleyMadison.com. It's another site for unfaithful people, or those who want to be. They surveyed their members' favorite restaurants."

"Is McDonald's on the list?"