As loyal readers know, at the end of each year I summarize the advice I gave over the year into one practical wisdom-packed column. Thank you for sharing your struggles, insights and victories!
So, dear readers, here you go, and Happy Interpersonal Edge Holidays!
--If you can't figure out what you want in your career, use your "magic wand" to imagine what your job and workplace would be like if you could simply make it so. Watch the YouTube video of what happens next. The more concretely you know what you want, the better your chances of getting it.
--Skip the blame preamble before you ask for what you want. People don't help people who blame them -- period! As satisfying as it is to get an apology, most people won't cough up remorse for not doing what you want. You get to pick between chasing an admission of guilt or going straight for results.
--Stop waiting for people at work to do the right thing because you asked. Instead, always, always communicate an optional unpleasant consequence with a request. Consider this approach: "There are two choices on this report: If I get it by 8 a.m., you get to present your ideas to the board. If I get it later, your ideas won't be part of the proposal."
--Accept narcissism as a workplace reality. People do what they do because they believe it is in their best interests. Many find this both unacceptable and annoying. Nevertheless, objecting to reality will never change it, and it may inconvenience you. Instead, appeal to the underlying interests of others to get what you want.
--Look for opportunities to leave people in a better position than the one in which you found them. Everyone responds to others who have an authentic desire to benefit them. If you try to manipulate people with no genuine interest in their well-being, you will get nothing. If you try to manipulate people with the same techniques but actually want to help them, the world is your oyster!
--Irrationality rules the workplace. We may pretend we are doing things for rational reasons, but the truth is that the heart, not the head, is where the power resides in your workplace.
--Get to know the last great frontier: your own heart. The only way to unlock the mystery of other people is to get to know yourself profoundly and thoroughly. If you understand your own heart, the motivations of others will be easy for you to understand.
--If you're having a really bad day, do everything you've been avoiding. Since it is hard to fall off the floor, start to use your bad days to become bold. How much worse can it get, eh?
(Daneen Skube, Ph.D., executive coach, trainer, therapist and speaker, also appears as the FOX Channel's "Workplace Guru" each Monday morning. She's the author of "Interpersonal Edge: Breakthrough Tools for Talking to Anyone, Anywhere, About Anything" (Hay House, 2006). You can contact Dr. Skube at http://www.interpersonaledge.com or 1420 NW Gilman Blvd., #2845, Issaquah, WA 98027. Sorry, no personal replies.)
Top Interpersonal Edge Tips for 2012
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