The real Magic Kingdom doesn't spout this much squeaky-clean goodness and positive vibes.
During this rebuild, pardon our pixie dust.
At media day last October, I asked new GM Rob Hennigan how the franchise would weigh the possibility of acquiring talented players with suspect character.
"That," Hennigan said, "is going to be the challenge."
Available star free agents or college players aren't all Eagle Scouts and saints.
The Magic will have to determine their tolerability level because, like Bobby Bowden once said: "If short hair and good manners won football games, Army and Navy would play for the national championship every year."
I bring this up because the Magic and Sacramento Kings center/walking headache DeMarcus Cousins recently were linked by a trade rumor for about a nanosecond. The Magic privately squashed the notion. Far-fetched as the scenario might have been, the club's reaction spoke volumes.
Kentucky Sports Radio reported that Orlando, Boston, Dallas and Charlotte are the four teams most likely to trade for Cousins, the former Wildcats star.
The Kings said they are not interested in trading Cousins --- or they are not interested in the offers so far.
Cousins, 22 going on 12, has crazy talent. He's also not in his right mind at times.
He was suspended by the Kings for a game (that'll teach him!) after a confrontation with coach Keith Smart this season.
Cousins' track record also includes a locker-room dust-up with a teammate; being fined after a verbal altercation with the team's strength and conditioning coach; and being kicked out of practice after clashing with former coach Paul Westphal.
Mindful of locker-room chemistry, coach-killers and immature brats, the Magic are not about to touch Cousins with asbestos gloves.
(One ironic aside: Cousins' agent is Dan Fegan. Yes, the Dan Fegan who represented Howard and finally uprooted him from Orlando. Fegan and the Magic aren't exactly buds.)
Hennigan is big on building around solid citizens, and there's a vetting process for each potential Magic signee. But Cousins is an extreme example of a dressing-room cancer.
The Magic are, understandably, cleaning up the spill on their reputation after the Dwightmare. As their wins without Howard shrink, they can't afford any major PR catastrophes.
In fact, as you can read today in the paper's sports section and online, the Sentinel's Josh Robbins reports that, according to a league source, the club has no interest in a superstar who was recognized as Most Disgruntled Player of 2012 — Dwight himself. Even if his L.A. experiment fizzles and he's feeling homesick as a free agent this summer, the Magic will not attempt to bring him back.
(The possibility of a return sounds outrageous, even for Dwight, but we know his history.)