Plainville has apparently been invaded by belligerent turtles. Resident Dan Spisak told the Bristol Press he witnessed two 40-pound snapping turtles chasing ducks at a town park. He says he picked them up by the tails, stashed them in a cooler and transferred them to a pond on a friend's isolated 140-acre property. Two days later, he wrangled a 75-pound turtle, which he feared might attack a child (you know, as often happens), and did the same with it. Town Naturalist Ruth Hummel chided Spisak's anti-turtle vigilantism, saying, "He has no business taking them off town property. Turtles are very benign and won't hurt anyone." He could also get into trouble with the state Department of Energy and Environmental Protection, whose website warns that it is illegal to relocate turtles without a permit. "A turtle is like a fish," Spisak said in his defense. "I have a fishing license."
A Greenwich woman got run over by her own car in her own driveway while she was partially in it. She stopped her sedan at the top of her slightly inclined driveway and then opened the door without turning off the engine or putting the vehicle in park, police explained to Greenwich Time. It inched forward, dragging her along. She managed to turn off the engine but not put the car in park. As it rolled backwards, the open driver's seat hit a tree, knocking the woman under the vehicle but also freeing her from it. The car proceeded to mow down a lamp post, slam into a pine tree and finally came to a stop at the property's stone wall. She is in critical but stable condition at Stamford Hospital.
Local asshat Emiliano Badillo Jr. allegedly left his dog in a hot car for 13 hours, without even a bowl of damn water, reports the Middletown Press. Middletown Animal Control Officer Gail Petras came across the animal wildly panting and started tracking down whatever dipshit left him there. The temperature was 95 goddamn degrees and, holy hell, 114 in the car. Once located, Badillo, 18, reportedly admitted he had left the dog there all day, like it was no big effing deal or something. Petras recommended that, "If you need to get out of the car and cannot take your dog with you, leave them at home," just in case some Middletown Press readers are also total dumbasses.
Several bystanders saw two men accost a woman outside a gas station in Plainville, put duct tape over her mouth, throw her into the trunk of a car and speed off. What they didn't know was that the whole idea was apparently the bright idea of three self-styled pranksters who allegedly thought it would be hilarious to generate a slew of 911 calls by staging a kidnapping. Police "swarmed" the area and found the car parked behind a home, reports the Norwich Bulletin. Danny L. Vinal, 21, Mark D. Reasoner, 22 and Harley-Jane Davidson, 19, may have been surprised to find themselves arrested for real over the incident.
A Norwalk woman called 911 to report that her son had possibly drowned in a bathtub (somehow) and was gasping for air. The dispatcher instructed her on CPR as police and EMS workers rushed to the scene. The boy was breathing when they arrived and was transported to Norwalk Hospital. The 11-year-old's grandfather said he wouldn't visit him at the hospital, which caused the father, Antoni Profit, to get upset and allegedly strike the old man with a guitar. Officers, who were still outside, interrupted his Pete Townsend routine and arrested Profit, 33, on assault charges, reports The Hour.
A Middlebury man got into an argument with his wife over pizza and later that night awoke to the smell of smoke. His wife, Jill Defusco, had apparently set a greeting card aflame and tossed it on their bed, exiting as the fire spread to a pair of shorts, police told the New Haven Register. Defusco, 43, was arrested on reckless endangerment and breach of peace charges, but, should she and her husband reconcile, will have her pick of toppings for life.
Odd Thefts: Someone smashed a window of a Honda sedan in Darien and removed the airbag from the steering wheel, police told the Darien News. Nothing else was stolen. Also, a thief who entered a Fairfield home noticed, cartoonishly enough, an old-fashioned piggy bank on a dresser and grabbed it, reports the Fairfield Citizen. Luckily for the crook, it contained more than $1,000 in miscellaneous bills and coins.
Allegedly seen "touching himself in a very sexually explicit and offensive manner" near a little league game in Hartford's Colt Park: the unfortunately named Scott Weiner. WFSB reports that Weiner, 50, had previously been on the state sex offender registry for an incident involving a minor and police had been eyeing him as he started frequenting the park.
A particularly nasty last-day-of-school prank at Eastern Middle School in Greenwich has caused a 13-year-old boy to be arrested on breach of peace charges. Police told Greenwich Time that the student was brought in after a teacher's water bottle tested positive for urine content.