Carl Hiaasen

The Donald reveals his decision with humility (almost)

The Donald reveals his decision with humility (almost)

Rejected first draft of Donald Trump's final announcement about his political intentions in 2012.

First, let me say how proud I am of myself for heckling Barack Obama until he produced the "long form" of his birth certificate, something no white president managing two wars and a budget crisis has ever been asked to do.

At long last, the national debate can move on to other idiotic conspiracy theories, which I may or may not exploit to boost my TV ratings.

Tonight, though, belongs to the 50 billion Donald J. Trump fans who've tuned in to see the season's last episode of "The Celebrity Apprentice." To all my fellow Americans watching at home, and...