Elk heads made this month's Moutza easy

Is it possible that a husband and wife could win the coveted February Moutza of the Month award, for buying stupid stuffed elk heads with other people's money?

Perhaps. Because in America, it is said, even dead elk dreams may come true.

Or what about that Brooklyn Democratic Assemblyman Dov "Give Me a Moutza" Hikind? He wore blackface (during Black History Month) and an Afro wig. Then when he was caught on Facebook, he whined he didn't mean to offend.

Dov, Dov, Dov.

So many worthies, not enough time — and not enough hands to moutza them all. Readers have eagerly been nominating their favorites, itching to thrust their palms at select morons and, like my Greek ancestors of old, cry "Nah!" and "Blow right here!" at the arrogance.

Consider just a few nominees:

Ikea for purveying meatballs with trace amounts of horsemeat; Mayor Buttinski from New York for playing politics on our South Side; and the Jackson Two and their $750,000 spending spree.

"The Onion!" chimed in readers Dino Armiros and Susan Beacham because it used an ugly word against a 9-year-old girl.

Hey, Onion, that's not remotely funny. A quadruple Nah! and a cuff of the knuckles to the back of your publisher's head — what we call a hastooki.

And McDonald's for eliminating the scrumptious apple walnut salad; and the White Sox for losing the crafty catcher who stole first base in that magical 2005 World Series run.

"Moutza Rick Hahn (GM) of the White Sox for not tendering A.J. Pierzynski an offer," cried Jim Sungaila.

Sorry, Jim. The White Sox may not get a Moutza in this column until September at the earliest.

Few people are in the select exempted category, ineligible for the Moutza. Like my mom, my wife, my editor and the president of the United States. But his craven underlings are fair game. Yes, I can.

Reader Laura Ehorn wrote to me on Facebook, insisting we Moutza a publisher of graphic novels.

"DC Comics for 'offing' the Boy Wonder!" she wrote.

Egads! Robin the Boy Wonder is dead?

Yes, it turns out that DC has multiple Robins, and has killed off its latest one, the issue of Bruce Wayne and the lovely daughter of Batman's eternal enemy, Ra's al Ghul.

Holy Moutza! Nah! to DC Comics for creating multiple Robins. And Nah! to me for writing about comic books.

Who needs comic book villains when we have real fleshy pink ones, like the Republican Penguin, Sen. Mitch McConnell of Kentucky and his GOP establishment sidekick, strategist Karl Rove, aka Three-Face?

Three-Face and Penguin are beating up on the lovely actress and liberal Democrat Ashley Judd. They've made her a credible candidate for Kentucky's Senate race of 2014.





Look for this special section in your
Baltimore Sun newspaper on Dec. 29, 2013.
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Google Plus
  • RSS Feeds
  • Mobile Alerts and Apps