From the Cubicle: White Sox-Twins

Play-by-play from today's White Sox-Twins game from a girl who will not be dyeing her hair pink for her Mom.

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Quite the week for Chicago's team on the South Side. The Sox go 0-6 vs. domed teams (Twins and Blue Jays), Gavin Floyd tosses his second near no-hitter of the season...and oh yeah, blow-up dolls invade the clubhouse.

Unless you've been partying with Cedric Benson, you know the story. But let me recap it for you (it's why I get paid the big bucks). First, Ozzie said that despite winning the World Series in 2005, the Sox are "horse[bleep] and we're going to be horse[bleep] the rest of our lives." Then, a story came out that says the Sox, in order to break out of their dreadful slump, had two blow-up dolls pose with their bats.

And then...well...everyone in America (or Chicago, my geography is bad) spouted their opinion on the dolls. The Trib's Rick Morrissey said the controversy is stupid. The Sun-Times' Jay Marrioti said the frat-boy humor was an insult to women and such a thing would never happen in New York or Boston. (No, in NY the men pass out during child birth). ST's Carol Slezak called it sexist. And then the Trib's Mike Downey said the Sun-Times were being a bunch of hypocrites for calling out the Sox when carry ads for peep shows in their pages.

A poll on our site asked if you, the fan, felt the situation was being blown (oops) out of proportion. 88.2% said yes, it's just a clubhouse thang.

So as a female, here's something I've picked up over the years working in sports departments: Boys are um, a little dumb. Seriously. Yes, the Sox were dumb to have the dolls in an open locker room; they should have known this would be a big story (OMG, sex sells). But it's over now. Move on. Talking about it more and more is just as pervy as doing it. Ever think the Sox just did it to divert attention away from their less than superior play? Yeah, me neither.

OK, no more doll talk. I'll need another shower.

Onto the rubber game: John Danks vs. Minnesota's Kevin Slowey. Slowey's got an 8.10 ERA which means he'll be money today. I'm a little annoyed that this is my THIRD White Sox-Twins cubicle. I can only do so many Joe Mauer-sideburns-jokes before they get old. What? They are already old? I know. I apologize.

Here are your lineups: Alexei Ramirez in the lead-off position for a resting Orlando Cabrera. And Toby Hall will be behind the plate.

Comment board to the bottom. My email is


Wonder if Mark Buehrle bought Juan Uribe a new bat after Buehrle went to town on a space heater with it last night? If this cubicle doesn't go well, I might do the same to a fax machine, ala Office Space. Carlos Gomez, he of cycle-hitting fame, will start this ballgame off. He hit for the cycle in reverse last night (HR, triple, double, single). Fancy. Rips one down the LF line just foul (Hawk says 'Thank you.'). Danks then strikes him out. Matt Tolbert then lines out to Juan Uribe at second. Joe Mauer gets a smattering of boos as he steps in. Either they don't like his sideburns (yeah, it's an oldie but a goodie) or the fans are still mad he broke up Gavin Floyd's no-no in the 9th on Tuesday. Danks gets Mauer to ground out for the third out. Nice 1-2-3 for the Sox.


I've just informed that my pretty Sox picture of bearded men is getting bumped for an update on Cedric Benson. The nerve. Alexei Ramirez is up first. O-Cab will return to the spot on Friday when the Sox face the Mariners. Ramirez hits a chopper off the tip of his bat back to the pitcher and nearly beats out the throw. But he doesn't. Carlos Quentin takes one deep to CF, where Gomez leaps into the wall pretty hard. Quentin has a standup double and Gomez will have a headache. Maybe he can hug his cycle. Thome now with one aboard and the shift on. He lines the 2-2 pitch down the RF line, very foul. Ping. Full count...and he fouls another one off. And then he strikes out swinging. Quentin stays at second. Slowey had been sidelined since April 4 with a right biceps strain. Maybe he was handing out too many tickets to the gun show. HA! He strikes out Konerko to end the inning. One runner stranded.



To Tom: No, rubber game wasn't supposed to be funny. That's what they are called. Althought after all the doll talk, everything seems a little dirty. And Mom: I mailed your present yesterday. It should be arriving on Friday. Oh Ozzie, will he ever learn? "The reason everyone likes Lou Piniella is because he's (bleeped) up," Guillen said. Danks strikes out Justin Morneau looking with a fastball right down the middle. Danks has been pretty solid this year, but lacking in run support (as all Sox pitchers are). Michael Cuddyer walks after running the count full. Cuddyer takes off on the first pitch to Craig Monroe...great jump...Toby Hall (and his pink hair) have no chance. Along with doing all the Sox-Twins games, I always seem to get Toby Hall in the lineup. He so has a crush on me. Anyhoo, 2-2 count for Monroe. He fouls off an 80 m.p.h. curveball into the stands. Another foul ball. And then Danks hurls a changeup on the inside corner to strike Monroe out looking. Delmon Young hits one off the tip of his bat (just like Ramirez) but it pops off the end of Danks' glove for a hit. No play on that ball. Runners at the corners. Brendan Harris is a late sub in the lineup for Nick Punto (strained hammy? I think that's what they said). Hawk thinks the Twins would try the old double-steal. So be on your toes. Harris grounds out to SS for the forceout at second.


Awesome mascot video from yesterday's Cubs-Reds game. JD is up first -- he homered last night to prolong the misery in the 13-1 defeat. I think the whole newsroom groaned as we just wanted it to end. Sweep the leg. End it. JD grounds the 3-2 pitch to the shortstop for the first out. Lazy throw by Everett (two bounces before it reaches first), but it works. Nick Swisher and his pink facial hair stand in. Ozzie likes him down further in the lineup. You? Swisher grounds the Slowey offering down the 1B line for the out. Think Swisher thought the ball was foul, but no. Two outs. Joe Crede now. He strikes out swinging on four pitches. That was speedy.





Look for this special section in your
Baltimore Sun newspaper on Dec. 29, 2013.
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