For starters, Peavy can't think about relieving

Thanks for the offer, Jake. Now shut up and make a rehab start in the minors.

Jake Peavy told White Sox pitching coach Don Cooper he would pitch out of the bullpen. Heck, Peavy told anybody and everybody he would pitch out of the bullpen.

Understand, Peavy, the Sox’ PPO poster child, made his offer after finishing a side session in trying to return from a groin injury. The MRI said it’s all better. The MRI didn’t have to say it would be something else soon enough. It always seems to be something else.

Don’t get me wrong, I admire Peavy’s comeback from a detached latissimus dorsi muscle near his right shoulder, a surgery from which no pitcher has ever returned. But there’s always a reason to have WebMD open with this guy. He came here with an ankle strain and has had rotator cuff tendinitis issues.

Such fragility reminds you of Kerry Wood. Different injuries. Same holding of your breath. Blister. Groin. Elbow. Shoulder. It’s like they’re battling for the cover of an MLB-licensed version of the board game “Operation.’’

Or they’re racing to see who becomes the first to, I don’t know, spontaneously combust.

I don’t believe Peavy was disingenuous with his offer, and Sox manager Ozzie Guillen said he would discuss it with Cooper and General Manager Kenny Williams, and I’m thinking, that’s a conversation that ought to be shorter than Craig Grebeck.

The Sox would have to be nuts to consider it. The fear is not Peavy’s lack of stuff. He has a 5-1 strikeouts-to-walks ratio and a WHIP under 1.0. No, it’s not what he can throw, it’s how often he can throw it.

I mean, if you can’t trust the guy in a six-man rotation, how could you trust him to throw two days in a row or three times in four games? What's more, there's no reason to think he could warm up in less than a half-hour.

The Sox went to a six-man rotation in part because they didn’t trust Peavy, as well as Phil Humber’s deserving to get regular starts, as well as the hope that Mark Buehrle and the rest of them have something more than batting practice left in August and September.

Funny thing is, if Peavy had been available to make this offer two months ago, everybody would’ve loved it. The Sox would’ve jumped on it it because everybody was jumping on every pseudo-closer that Guillen called for.

Not now, though, the pen actually looks settled. It lines up nicely with Jesse Crain and Matt Thornton, or vice versa, in front of Sergio Santos, with some Chris Sale sprinkled in.

The pen isn’t the homeless shelter it used to be. Neither is the rotation, by the way, whether it’s five or six starters. Peavy ought to simply try to make it through a rehab start in Charlotte this week, then come back and pitch as a starter until his arm falls off, and I have July 1 in that pool.
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