BROOK PARK, Ohio -- Twice this week, Lt. Col. Kevin Rush donned his dress greens, drove to the home of a family that had just lost a Marine and made what he calls "that fateful walk up to the door."

It doesn't take long for the family to discern the purpose of his visit.

"The minute we ask them if we can come inside and have them sit down so we can talk to them, it starts to dawn on them that we're not there with happy news," said Rush, standing in his Marine khakis outside the Marine Reserve Center in Brook Park. Fourteen of the Marine Reserves killed in Iraq this week were from the Ohio-based 3rd Battalion, 25th Marines.

The Marines call them CACOs: casualty assistance calls officers. The job title differs slightly among the military branches, but the foreboding task is the same: being the bearer of the worst kind of news.

The military has come a long way from the Vietnam-era telegrams. Today, the Defense Department lays out its protocol in a 59-page document, and the Marines use their own 80-page manual and daylong classes. There are videos that teach officers about the paperwork, death benefits and how best to soften the blow.

The Army has its own list of do's and don'ts: make the visit as "inconspicuously" as possible, do not offer "gory or embarrassing" details, do not hold notes while approaching the home and never stop at a tavern en route or arrive with "liquor on your breath."

Marine Capt. Mike Menke, the CACO coordinator for Baltimore's 4th Combat Engineer Battalion, completed his class last week.

"I just hope I never had to do one," he said. "Unless you've gone through one, you probably can't understand it."

Rush, the site commander of the Ohio battalion, had the grim responsibility of notifying the families of two of the fallen Marines that their relatives were killed in action.

"The Marine Corps policy is not to hold anything back, so if they want to know the details, even if they're really bad, I'll tell them anything I can," Rush said.

They almost always do, he added.

Sgt. Maj. Mark Brokaw, the inspector instructor at the Marine Reserve Center in Brook Park, called the task "probably one of the toughest things that you'll ever have to do in your life."

No training can truly prepare one for the job, said Brokaw, who on Tuesday informed the family of one of the 3rd Battalion, 25th Marines' five snipers killed in an attack on Monday.

"You have manuals and stuff that gives you guidance, but you simply have to go with your heart-instinct of what you feel is appropriate," he said.

The first time Marine Capt. Ed Caricato of Baltimore made that long walk to the door his stomach turned sour, he recalled in an interview yesterday.

'Knot in my stomach'

"There is nothing to compare it to. It is a knot in my stomach that I literally have never felt before," said Caricato of the 4th Combat Engineer Battalion. "And you don't get used to it -- not that."

There's a script in the U.S. Marine manual -- "On behalf of the commandant of the Marine Corps we are here to inform you that your (son or daughter or spouse or parent) has been killed" -- but no one expects the CACO to work from a speech, said Bryan Driver, a spokesman for the Marine Casualty Assistance Office in Quantico, Va.

Caricato can't recall even the first words out of his mouth. En route to both of his CACO assignments, he and another officer spent the drives memorizing family member names and pronunciations and relations. When the doors opened, Caricato swallowed hard and pushed the reluctant words out.