| Jan 6, 2014
It's important to start each year with a carefully thought out list of pragmatic resolutions. My list includes:
•Start a dynasty of ducks.
Ride a narwhal (preferably while nude).
•Watch more TV.
•Learn how to write a newspaper...
| Jan 13, 2014
As human beings, we are at our best when we can be ourselves, when we live without fear of judgment or the pressures of putting on airs.
As workers, logically, it's no different. An employee living authentically, unencumbered by the distractions of...
| Feb 18, 2013
(Editor's note: The CBS reality series "The Job" was canceled after this column had already gone to press. We are certain it was a coincidence. And that's all we have to say about that.)
Early in the first episode of the new CBS reality show "The Job,"...
| Oct 8, 2012
I feel sorry for jobs.
We ask a lot of them. They have to be fulfilling, flexible, challenging, well-paying and fun. They are a part of our lives as much as any friend or spouse, yet we constantly bad-mouth them and use them as scapegoats for life's...
| Jul 15, 2013
I didn't give any college commencement addresses this year. Administrators probably assumed I had already been scooped up by the biggies — Harvard, Yale, The Iowa School for the Perpetually Perplexed — and didn't bother to ask.
| Jun 10, 2013
As regular readers of this column know, my last vacation involved a cactus and the unfortunate perforation of my buttocks. (Thank you for all the sympathy cards.)
So I'm pleased to report that on a recent trip to Disney World — aka "Mickey Mouse's...
| Jan 7, 2013
The workplace is a lot like football. I say that not because it's true, but because it's a handy way to justify the hours I spend watching football. Also, it allows me to write off nachos as a business expense.
But this week, the football-workplace...
| Jun 17, 2013
That's a good point! (No it isn't.)
I'd be happy to join the team! (I'd rather be eaten by wart hogs.)
Your cake is delicious! (Thanks for the food poisoning, Julia Child.)
These are but a few examples of the lies we tell at work. Most aren't...
| Mar 4, 2013
When I first received a copy of "The Manager's Phrase Book," I laughed.
I laughed long and hard.
The book is a collection of more than 3,000 canned phrases a manager can use in different situations, rated on sliding scales such as "casual to formal"...
| Feb 4, 2013
When I see a companywide email from the boss, I, like most employees, assume it's an announcement of a promotion —me to senior vice president of awesomeness.
If not that, then perhaps a salacious press release detailing how a co-worker I dislike...
| Jun 24, 2013
A new study has found that an employee's efficiency increases by more than 200 percent when that person is given the option of sitting in a chair made of milk chocolate.
The study was conducted by me, on behalf of my new company, ChocoChair Inc. (Our...
| Nov 4, 2012
| 7:07 PM
The "I Just Work Here" Internship Program — should such a thing ever exist — would be the gold standard of temporary employment.
First off, as an intern to America's most beloved workplace advice columnist, you'd be given the title "America'...