Holiday dinners usually happen without a hitch, right? Wrong. Our family has had its share of seemingly disasters, but upon reminiscing, they rock our world with laughter.
I'll let you in on some of our experiences for your holiday chuckle.
My mother is still mad at me over this situation on a Thanksgiving Day. First of all, goose season was open, and when Bruce and I returned from church to the farm, a huge flock of snow geese landed in the field west of our trees. Skirt, high heels and all, I ran to our outbuildings to see how close the geese actually were. Bruce stood there shaking his head as our company was all there.
While I ran back to the house, a pickup of hunters drove into the yard. I ran to them, yelled, You can hunt, but wait for me because I'm going with you. They looked at me with stunned faces as I ran into the house, peeling off church clothes. I jumped into my hunting clothes, grabbed my shotgun and yelled to my shocked mother, my sisters and Bruce, The turkey is done, so take it out, start potatoes cooking. I'm gonna shoot geese and I'll be back in 20 minutes. I slammed the door and ran out.
The hunters and I ran through the trees, with me bringing up the rear for our slam dunk. I wanted to yell at them to slow down, but I was too far back. We were only about 150 yards down the tree line when the birds saw us and took off. Never fired a shot.
All I remember after that is dejectedly walking into the house and being met with icy stares. And then having no geese to show for my hurried effort incited them more. No one spoke to me at dinner, however, I did hear some mumblings about can't believe she did that. This is Thanksgiving for heaven's sake.
Then there was the time my mother dropped the turkey on the kitchen floor.
She had just taken the beautifully browned bird out of the oven. She decided to move it across the kitchen and that is when it happened. The turkey slipped out of the roasting pan, grease, juice and all and rolled across the carpeted floor. Yes, she was mad when we laughed, but it was funny and the bird tasted darn good.
The saga of our niece and a cat must be told. As with most farms, there is usually a population of cats outside. They were somewhat tame, wanting to get into the house when the door opened but not tame enough to be touched.
When our niece arrived, she announced she would not be eating any turkey. She was in her PETA phase at the time (I won't eat any poor animal), even though she wore leather shoes. We were just seated at the table, when she remembered the relish tray in the car, so she got up and went outside.
Suddenly, loud howls and screams came from the porch. She had slammed the door shut on a cat's tail and cut it off. The severed part lay on the rug and the cat ran around outside the door with blood streaming and shooting from his lost appendage.
I could also tell you about the time our turkey caught on fire in the oven and smoked up the house, but I'm out of room.
Merry Christmas and happy new year and may your holiday dinners be mayhem-free.
Berdette Zastrow, a freelance writer from Pickerel Lake, is author of Woman's Guide to Hunting. She writes a monthly column for the Outdoors Page and can be reached at email@example.com