9:06 PM EST, November 18, 2012
Creating a distraction
Nice move by Andrew Bynum. With 76ers fans frustrated that the savior who was going to lead the franchise back to the days of Moses is out until January, Bynum has distracted them with his new 'do. After all, who can hate Captain Kangaroo?
Bynum beware. Bizarre hair did nothing to soften Don King's image as someone who would shave his mother's head if he could make a buck.
The worst? Troy Polamalu, because while others like Dennis Rodman needed their hair for hype, Polamalu has become more famous for his locks than his licks on the field.
Taking a bad Gamble
Los Angeles Times
Hairdo historians will note that the early-and-mid-70s was a classic era for big hair in the sports world.
Artis Gilmore, then with the ABA's Kentucky Colonels, was a 7-2 star with a towering Afro. Not only could he play, but his 'do fit the outcast, misfit league he played in.
That same look, however, didn't work as well on the baseball diamond.
Remember left-handed slugger Oscar Gamble, with the iron wrists and lovely power stroke for the Indians, White Sox and Yankees in the mid-70s? He also sported an Afro. But when Gamble stepped into the batter's box with his batting helmet shoved on tight, his hair was squashed and it looked as if he was instead wearing a pair of jumbo-sized Mickey Mouse ears.
Only when Gamble sprinted on the base paths, and his helmet flew off, was his dazzling Afro in full view.
Artist known as Rodman
I would say it's a 1-million-way tie among every athlete who has ever sported a mullet. But then I remembered Dennis Rodman. He went Jackson Pollock on his locks.
Give him points for creativity, but buy a canvas to express yourself, Dennis. Mismatched colors, blonde when he married himself (which is another level of weirdness altogether), geometric designs and cheetah print. The man was a walking Crayola box. Some days he showed up to the court and it looked like he had been the victim of a graffiti attack. Rodman had the worst hairstyles of any athlete ever. And he was a repeat offender. The only thing weirder than Rodman's memorable hair was his personality.
Image is everything
A follically challenged sportswriter is obviously in no position to critique hair choices, but here goes:
The list of candidates is deep, from Dennis Rodman's various colorful styling incarnations through Pete Rose's homage to Moe Howard. Brian Bosworth represented everything that was wrong with '80s style, while Randy Johnson's loyalty to the mullet was both admirable and disturbing.
We were never a fan of Pat Riley's slippery Gordon Gekko tribute or Tom Brady's flirtation with the Justin Bieber bangs. And perms were never a sensible choice, Hubie Brown.
Our No. 1 pick, though, is Andre Agassi. His bizarre spiked mullet suggested a well-groomed porcupine, yet he admitted in his book that he was wearing a wig. Ultimately, Agassi's story has a happy, bald ending — he ditched the hair piece, shaved his head and found follicle peace.
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