Running off at the typewriter. …
We already know there is a 99.9 percent chance Florida State is going to be in the BCS National Championship Game by virtue of Oregon going down to Stanford on Thursday night, but I've got news for you: The Seminoles will not be playing Alabama; they'll be playing the Evil Genius – Urban Meyer – and his Ohio State Buckeyes.
Alabama has games left against No. 10-ranked LSU (tonight), at No. 7 Auburn, at Mississippi State and an SEC Championship Game against either No. 9 Missouri or No. 13 South Carolina. I realize the Crimson Tide have won three of the last four national titles, but they haven't proven anything THIS year. The only decent team they've beaten is Texas A&M – and they had to hold on for dear life to win that game 49-42.
All the Buckeyes have to do is gorge themselves on the marshmallows and moonpies in the Big Ten and they will finish with a second-consecutive 12-0 record. Mark my words, this will put them into the championship game against the Seminoles. The question is will FSU be able to do what they did in the Urbanator's last game at Florida: Make him quit to spend more time with his family.
Short stuff: Mikey likes: UCF over Houston by just 3, FSU over Wake Florist by 45, Florida over Vandy by 1, Miami over Virginia Tech by 7, Alabama over LSU by 5, Bucs bully Dolphins by 4, Titans over Jaguars by 100, Eagles over Packers by 7, Lions over Bears by 6, UCF attendance over 42,000 by kickoff. … Can you believe the Tampa Bay Bucs play the Miami Dolphins on Monday Night Football in a game that should be called the Buffoonery Bowl and played at a stadium known as Dysfunction Junction. One team is winless and has a coach whom the players hate. The other team is in complete turmoil and embroiled in a hazing, harassment scandal that may cost the coach and GM their jobs. Here's all you need to know: The Jacksonville Jaguars are the most stable NFL franchise in our pathetic pigskin peninsula. When it comes to the NFL, we are not in the State of Florida; we are in the State of Disarray. …
The most amazing part about the hazing/harassment scandal involving the Dolphins is that coaches and management turned over their locker room to a known knucklehead like Richie Incognito. This would be like an NBA team signing Gilbert Arenas and making him the team captain. … And can you believe the Dolphins and other NFL players are lining up to support Incognito's raunchy, racist, ritualistic hazing while denigrating the victim — Jonathan Martin — as "meek" and "soft." Just goes to show that NFL locker rooms are a cult unto themselves: A bunch of weak-minded members following a leader who is both extreme and dangerous. … And speaking of knuckleheads, did you see where sports radio host Dan Sileo was fired again from a station down in South Florida? Sileo, the former Orlando radio host and Miami Hurricanes player, went on a Twitter rant during last week's FSU-UM game and offered a $1,000 bounty to any UM player who would "take out" star FSU running back DeVonta Freeman. Sileo is the Richie Incognito of sports talk radio. He keeps getting fired for being a meathead, but somebody always gives him another chance. …
Former Magic coach and national NBA analyst Stan Van Gundy said during his weekly appearance on our Open Mike radio show that he thought the Magic could be a playoff team, but "I don't know if they want to be." Welcome to the Magic's perpetual dilemma; If they win now, they will be accused of forfeiting the future. If they lose, they will be accused of tanking the season. … They say everything is bigger in the State of Texas, and I guess that includes delusional football fans who actually think Nick Saban would leave Alabama to coach the Texas Longhorns. Stop it! The only way Saban ends up in Texas next year is if he's coaching the Dallas Cowboys. … Last word: Ousted FAU football coach Carl Pelini has renounced his resignation and says wants his old job back. Hey, coach, isn't this sort of like Kim Kardashian retracting the sex tape and wanting her virginity back?
Don't forget, you can click on OrlandoSentinel.com and read the wildly popular Open Mike blog and interactive extravaganza to get my freshest takes on what's happening in the world of sports. Here's a blog post on the best move Rob Hennigan might ever make as the general manager of the Orlando Magic.
Center Andrew Bynum, now with the Cleveland Cavaliers, told reporters earlier this week that he has thought about retirement because he has become "a shell of my former self" due to chronically gimpy knees.
Yet another reminder of how astute Magic General Manager Rob Hennigan was during the Dwight Howard trade negotiations. Remember when Hennigan was being criticized nationally and locally for steadfastly refusing to take Bynum in the Dwight deal? All of the so-called NBA experts said the young, inexperienced Hennigan got worked in the four-team deal because the Lakers got the big prize (Dwight) and the 76ers got the second-biggest prize (Bynum).
Well, Dwight is no longer with the Lakers and Bynum is no longer with the 76ers. Meanwhile, the Magic ended up with the league's top young big man in Nik Vucevic, not to mention Arron Afflalo, Maurice Harkless and three first-round draft picks.
Can you imagine where the Magic would be right now if they had traded Dwight straight up for Bynum, who didn't even play for the 76ers last season and now says he's still feeling pain and discomfort following surgeries in both of his knees earlier this year?
Could it be that the greatest move Hennigan ever makes as the Magic's GM is the player he did NOT acquire?
(Most interesting reader retorts, radio rabble, tangy tweets and message-board mockery of the week):
On my column about former Gator coach Ron Zook giving current Gator coach Will Muschamp a vote of confidence: "Zooker's vote of confidence is more like a kiss of death for Muschamp."
On whether the Magic should shoot for the playoffs or the lottery: "Three words: Winless For Wiggins."
(Three of the best quotes from the late-night talk shows this week):
"Miami Dolphins player Richie Incognito has been suspended as the NFL investigates claims of bullying another teammate. The NFL will not tolerate bullying — to which the Jacksonville Jaguars said, 'Hey, we get bullied every Sunday!' – Jay Leno
"Some health experts believe being an NFL coach might be the most stressful job in America. The second most stressful job in America is being an NFL parole officer." – Conan O'Brien
"Sunday is the New York Marathon. Today Donald Trump accused the runner from Kenya of actually being born in the United States." – David Letterman
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