In fact, one of the elves who was exceptionally bitter,
Even took his grievances to his followers on Twitter.
"Is there really any difference," he tweeted with dismay,
Deep down, Coach Santa knew the young man was right,
But he still banned his elves from Twitter that night.
Then he admitted to himself something so controversial,
"College football, like Christmas, had become too commercial!"
His eyes teared up, his cheeks weren't so merry,
He looked like the guy who'd been dumped by Halle Berry.
His ginormous gut convulsed like Jerry Greene's belly,
As he changed the channel on his high-def telly.
Click! On the TV screen dressed in Lakers purple and gold,
Was a man who made Santa feel bitter and cold.
If ever an athlete epitomized our sports plight,
It was that free-throw bricking deserter named Dwight.