He was an emotional one … was Elf Timmy Tebow.
Timmy cried during good times and he cried during bad,
This was the year Timmy hoped to win a second Heisman,
He didn't accomplish that goal, but he did win his first Cries-man.
Yes, Santa's workshop world was utterly in shambles,
He'd been far too reckless, taken too many gambles.
Companies pulled their sponsorships faster than Flash Gordon,
They acted like adidas after UCF signed Marcus Jordan.
Wouldn't you think Santa had built up some good will?
With all the letters he answered and stockings he filled?
He built the holiday season into what it has become,
Who else could conjure visions of a dancing sugarplum?
But up in executive boardroom there arose such a clatter,
So Santa went up to see what was the matter.
He found the elf boosters had turned into a mob,
As they griped and groused about axing Santa's job.
They wanted this holiday season to be his swan song,
They told him he was old and had been around too long.
"This is my life," he pleaded. "I have no other hobby,"
And suddenly St. Nick had transformed into St. Bobby.
It seemed his recruiting had gone carelessly awry,
Some of the reindeer stiffs he signed couldn't even fly.
So they told him bluntly, he was no longer fit to Ho-Ho-Ho,
They even hired his replacement – a younger elf named Jimbo.
As he sprang onto his sleigh and to his reindeers gave a snap,
He said, "I built North Pole U. and put it on the map.
"Because of my contributions, Christmas benefitted greatly,"
But 'ere he drove out of sight, they screamed, "YEAH, BUT WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR US LATELY?"
Read Mike Bianchi's blog at OrlandoSentinel.com/openmike and listen to his radio show every weekday from 9-11 a.m. at 1080 AM. You can e-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org
'Twas the night before Christmas and TMZ is reporting …
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