Docile bugs, less bloodshed, lower temperatures and a more well-rounded diet, that's what I'm hoping for as I once again take on the Maryland Park Service's Park Quest adventure beginning Wednesday.
In my quest to collect workman's comp, massive amounts of mileage reimbursement and the sympathy of friends, I will compress a summer's worth of Quests, all 24 parks, from Western Maryland to the Atlantic Ocean, into seven days. Park Quest 24/7.
The Park Quest motto is "Where a Family Becomes a Team."
I'm going solo.
In the first place, an outdoors writer should know all state parks, and I am several picnic tables short of a pavilion.
The Preakness is over, the Orioles have a long season and the Ravens will soon be working out at a playground near you. I won't be missing much.
June can't possibly be as hot as last July, when I swear even the rocks were sweating.
And here's the most comforting thought: I won't really be alone. In a showing that would make Jack Bauer proud, 1,000 families — the maximum — signed up in just a hair over 24 hours.
"It was crazy, crazy," said Barbara Knisely, the chief of customer relations for the state park service and my patron saint last year. "They were registering as fast as I could post them. I couldn't even answer the phone."
The team names are great: Raiders of the Lost Park, Sock Puppets Gone Wild, Whining Weavers, The Griswalds, The Killer Squirrels, Are We There Yet?
As of Friday, three weeks into the contest, one team from last year, Clan McCormick, had finished 19 of 24 parks. My fellow Questers on two challenges last year, Team Bay Bougheys, have notched three already without me.
Ranger Matt Ritter, who's running the show this year, says at least 120 teams have completed one Quest. But nowhere are my friends, The Pits of Despair. Inconceivable!
The PQ Facebook page is full of journal entries, tips, snapshots and shout-outs for gems found along the way that aren't really part of the Quest but have added value to the adventure.
"People have taken ownership of the event and their parks," Ritter said. "The Facebook page makes it more welcoming to families that haven't participated before."
Park rangers are keeping a careful watch for Questers, answering questions and making adjustments as they get feedback (take pity on me, gang).