8:40 PM EDT, May 10, 2013
Running off at the typewriter ...
Florida Gators coach Will Muschamp couldn't help but laugh the other night when I told him of the comments made by Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops, who earlier this week said the overall strength of Southeastern Conference football is a result of media propaganda.
"So they [SEC] have had the best team in college football," Stoops told Oklahoma fans at a booster club meeting a few days ago. "They haven't had the whole conference. Because, again, half of 'em haven't done much at all. I'm just asking you. You tell me. … You're listening to a lot of propaganda that gets fed out to you. You're more than smart enough to figure it out. Again, you can look at the top two, three, four, five, six teams, and you can look at the bottom six, seven, eight, whatever they are. How well are they all doing?"
When Muschamp was informed of Stoops' comments at Wednesday night's meeting of the Central Florida Gator Club, he just chuckled.
"I'd be saying the same thing if I were in the Big 12," cracked Muschamp, the former defensive coordinator at Texas. "I said it for three years."
Bob Stoops is a helluva coach, but he's delusional if he believes the SEC has benefited from propaganda. The league has won SEVEN straight national championships — SEVEN!
As for Stoops' contention that the bottom half of the SEC isn't that strong, well, there's a good reason for that: Because the top half of the SEC beats up the bottom half so badly. And, as Tony Kornheiser said on PTI the other day, you know who else the top half of the SEC beats up on? Teams like Oklahoma, that's who.
Short stuff: The Bold City Brigade — a Jacksonville Jaguars fan website — claims to have to have more than 500,000 "real" fans who voted on an Internet poll against the Jags signing Tim Tebow. One question: If there are 500,000 "real" Jaguars fans then why the stadium tarps? … In related news, the Bold City Brigade also claims that 10 million fans are on a waiting list for Jaguars season tickets, 5 million have bought Blaine Gabbert jerseys and all 46 NFL Hall-of-Fame voters have been polled and are confirming that Mark Brunell will go into Canton on the first ballot. … Did you see where "Iron Man 3" made $175 million on its opening weekend and has already netted $700 million worldwide? This is believed to be the most money made by a stiff, robotic, heavy-legged humanoid since the Magic acquired Kelvin Cato. …
Best quote of the week came from fellow Sentinel writer Edgar Thompson when lamenting today's youth: "If it doesn't happen on their hand-held devices, it doesn't exist." … Who has damaged their reputation more this NBA season — Derrick Rose, who won't play, or Dwight Howard, who won't say where he wants to play? … A millionaire Palm Beach widow was caught on camera giving the middle finger to Joakim Noah as the Chicago Bulls center left the court following a loss to the Miami Heat. I guess you could say a picture is worth a thousand birds, er, words. …
Craig Ferguson: "Over the weekend, the Rolling Stones played here at the Staples Center but they had to cut their ticket prices in half to fill the seats. I guess if people wanted go to the Staples Center to see old guys shuffling around way past their prime, they'd just go see the Lakers." … Ronde Barber — the last of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers' iconic Fab Four — has retired. Sapp, Brooks, Lynch and Barber are Tampa Bay's version of John, Paul, George and Ringo. … Daniel Snyder says the Washington Redskins will never change their racially insensitive nickname as long as he owns the team. Question: Would Snyder, who is Jewish, have the same stance if the team nickname was an ethnic slur aimed at Jews? …
Only one voter — a writer from the Boston Globe — did not vote LeBron James as the league MVP and instead voted for Carmelo Anthony. Let this be the last time anyone from Massachusetts makes fun of Florida's voting ineptitude. … Players Championship tweet from Hays Carlyon of the Florida Times-Union: "Vijay Singh misses cut at 1-over, plans to sue the top 70 in the field for damaging his reputation." … Last word: With all this talk of closing Gitmo, I've got a great idea for how to extract sensitive information from international terrorists: threaten to send them to a Marlins game!
Don't forget, you can click on OrlandoSentinel.com and read the wildly popular Open Mike blog and interactive extravaganza to get my freshest takes on what's happening in the world of sports. Here's a blog about prominent Orlando lawyer John Morgan airing a radio ad imploring the Jaguars to sign Tebow:
Powerful Orlando attorney John Morgan is known for his famous "For the People" television and radio commercials and now has taken the mantra to the airwaves of Jacksonville in an attempt to get the Jaguars to sign Tim Tebow.
Morgan, a University of Florida law school graduate, started running radio commercials earlier this week in Jacksonville urging Jaguars owner Shad Khan to acquire Tebow so the team can win "for the people."
When Morgan came on our Open Mike radio show earlier this week, I asked him why he did the commercials. Being a native of Kentucky and a fan of horse racing, Morgan compared Tebow to a Thoroughbred.
"What if you had racehorse, and every time you took the racehorse out, it won?" Morgan said. "It wins as a 2-year-old, it wins as a 3-year-old, it wins the Florida Derby and the Arkansas Derby. What do you do with that horse — do you take it to the Kentucky Derby or do you take it to the glue factory? That's what's happening here [to Tebow]. I don't have to be a football expert, I know Secretariat when I see him and that's who Tim Tebow is. He wins."
Morgan, who founded one of the most lucrative law firms in the country, is astounded that the hapless Jaguars aren't making the smart business decision by signing Tebow — a hometown hero and arguably America's most popular athlete. Morgan owns WonderWorks — the upside-down tourist attraction on I-Drive — but says the Jaguars need to start thinking right-side up.
"WonderWorks is an entertainment venue," Morgan says. "When we open up WonderWorks, our job is to fill the building. That's how you make money in entertainment — fill the building. If you want to fill the building in Jacksonville … you bring in Tim Tebow and every ticket is sold. You won't be able to get a ticket. Every luxury box is sold. You will have the No. 1 jersey sales in the NFL."
Morgan juxtaposes that scenario with what's happening now in Jacksonville with tarps covering the seats.
"They put a sheet up [over the seats] and act like it's not there," Morgan says. "It's like playing hide-and-seek with a 3-year-old boy and he puts a towel over his head and says, 'I'm not here.' "
Morgan is absolutely right.
If Tebow signed with the Jaguars, tens of thousands of fans would come out of hiding as if owner Shad Kahn were yelling, "Olly olly oxen free!"
(Most interesting reader retorts, radio rabble, tangy tweets and message-board mockery of the week):
On Tim Tebow fans starting a petition on the White House website asking President Barack Obama to step in and force the Jaguars to sign Tebow: "With all the jersey sales, think of what it would do for the economy!"
On prominent Orlando attorney John Morgan doing an ad imploring the Jaguars to sign Tebow: "I think Morgan has been smoking too much of that (wink, wink) 'medical' marijuana he's trying to get legalized."
On why some Christians pick and choose which Bible verses they take seriously. "Why do they condemn gays to eternal damnation, but ignore the Biblical ban against eating shellfish? According to the Old Testament, eating at Red Lobster is as much of a sin as same-sex marriage."
(In honor of Mother's Day, three of my favorite quotes about moms):
"I was so ugly, my mother used to feed me with a slingshot." — Rodney Dangerfield
"When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead." — Jeff Shaw
"It's never easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it." — Anonymous
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