Jerry says: In a Ring-'dem-Bells Upset Special, Dolts by 5.

Detroit (1-0) at San Francisco (1-0), tonight — Niners favored by 7

Forget "Shake-Gate" although I hope the two coaches do something funny at the end of the game. A word for UCF's Bruce Miller, who the pros moved from DE to FB. His blocking was great last week and he could end up in the Pro Bowl. Remember that.

Jerry says: Niners by 10.

All my picks can be seen at thebeatofsports.com — and unlike NFL.com, you don't have to join anything to look. We're not that stupid. Also, for free, you can compete in the Clear Channel pick 'em contest to win fabulous prizes. Check it out.

Here's the notes, folks

•Best line about the quality of the "Replacement Refs" comes from East Rutherford Giants LB Mathias Kiwanuka: "I haven't been held this much since I was a baby."

•You may have seen Jerry Jones' glasses being dutifully wiped for him by his son-in-law Shy Anderson during the Cowbows' opener. After proper ridicule, Shy says he is marketing "Jerry Wipes," an eye-glass cleaning product. My suggestion would be to put them on a roll and make them a bathroom product, too.

Mike Tyson wants to make musicals now? So do I.

•You know why the escalator is the greatest invention ever? It can never really break. If it stops moving, it just turns into stairs. But then it becomes the "doityourselfalator."

•One from the master, Rodney Dangerfield: "I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

Closing with another monkey story

Trust me, you will love this one. It's from the London Telegraph and is about a guy getting off a plane in New Delhi and, when searched, was found hiding a monkey in his underwear. You know you want the details. Apparently India has a big animal smuggling problem. The story mentions the guy was caught earlier with 10 turtles in his pants.

Hopefully they weren't snapping turtles.

Check out the story here and have a great NFL Sunday.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/india/9533554/Smuggler-caught-with-monkey-in-underwear.html

Jerry joins Marc Daniels on "The Beat of Sports" Mondays through Fridays from 9 a.m. to noon on 740 The Game. He will love you if you listen. E-mail Jerry at osogreene@aol.com