A few sports resolutions worth honoring

Jerry delivers his latest NFL picks

Despite the Mayans and the Fiscal Cliff, it looks as if we are going to stagger across the 2012 finish line and plow ahead to 2013. That odd sound you hear is the world giving a huge sigh of relief.

The end of each year is the time for one of our strangest traditions — the New Year's Resolution. It's strange because we know we have no intention of honoring the resolution but we make it anyway. Or, in this case, I make them for others who may be too busy (or too honest or too chicken) to do it themselves. So for some celebrities below, let's say for them: "I resolve to . . .

• Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith — Just get along or, if that's not possible, just shut up.

• Everybody — Accept that me and my six buddies do not get to be a "nation." There is no such thing as Bithlo Demolition Derby Nation or most of the other sports "nations."

• Orlando Magic — Hire some Frisbee catching dogs 'cause everybody will watch Frisbee catching dogs no matter what the score.

NHL fans — Throw ourselves into another hobby, such as stamp collecting. Hey, you put some stamp collectors into a room with a U.S. 24-cent carmine rose stamp with an inverted center and there will be blood shed. Not sure how to use the Zamboni however.

• Jerry Jones — To stay where nobody can see me before I start looking like the Ghost of Christmas Past (aka Al Davis).

• Boston Red Sox — Find our lost relevance.

Clint Eastwood — Find someone to sit on my chair.

• Soccer in the U.S. — Either wipe out the NFL or stop saying it's going to happen any second now.

• Big East — Choose a direction and stick with it.

Marilyn Monroe — Haunt any producer who ever casts that woman as me again.

Tim Tebow — Never, ever, trust those big city fellas again. A guy in Jacksonville says you are gonna play ball, then, by golly, you are gonna play ball!

Kobe Bryant — Find something critical to say about every member of the Laker organization.

• Yankee fans — Choose somebody to boo until A-Rod returns.

Mitt Romney — Ask the NHL fans if I can collect stamps with them.

Eli Manning — Take a trip back to Disney World and pretend there's a reason why I'm there.

• All Mayans — Find a better calendar.

• Me — Resolve to not weigh more than 290 pounds in 2013. (I like the challenge because I'm currently at 255.)

Final Fab Five Football Picks

 

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