Think I'm going to the World Cup in Brazil next year.
Did I suddenly decide to abandon American football and join the world? No, it's not that. I still like a game in which there is a score more than once every three days. But I want to pay respect to the Brazilian government for a recent announcement:
Every World Cup facility will have "Big Guy" and "Big Gal" seats.
Brazil — my favorite country.
Do you remember when the old Amway reduced the size of its seats? Not only did I feel like a sausage, even the normal-sized people had to deal with the heartbreak of elbowsiasis. There was no way to sit between two other unhappy folks without having two elbows poking into your sides — elbows that were not yours. Strange, bony elbows.
But not in Brazil — as long as you are willing to pay the price and able to meet the standards. Yes, there are standards. Before you purchase your ticket, you must submit a medical certificate proving you have a body mass index of 30 or more as recognized by Brazil's Ministry of Health and the World Health Organization. Thirty? Piece of cake.
Imagine being turned down because you had not eaten enough fried chicken.
As for the price, according to Yahoo!Sports, an "average person" seat will cost $28, but a "big person" chair will go for $57. Twice the costs seems about right especially considering these chairs will be reinforced to hold up to 560 pounds.
Heck, I can bring a friend.
A small friend.
Meanwhile, Russia stores snow
Definitely choosing Brazil over Russia as a vacation spot. A real worry is that there won't be enough snow on the ground for the Winter Olympics — so Mother Russia is spending $8 million to store some now. They are packing 450,000 cubic meters (which means nothing to me but sounds like a lot) in case the white stuff is needed for the Sochi games. Sure would make one great snowman.
The everything bracket
Your basketball bracket already so much fish wrapping? Well, cheer up because I have a bracket suggestion meant just for you. Doesn't matter who you are, this one is for you.
What you do is sit in front of a blank bracket form and begin to enter random things from your every day life and then begin to pare them down until you are ready to decide — the most important thing in your life.
Note: You are not allowed to enter the names of any persons you know. Nor are you allowed to enter anything directly related to your marriage or your partner. This is for your protection. Lord help you if "good sex life" was a No. 2 seed that got knocked out by a No. 15 "hot facial towel."
To give you an idea of how it works, here are my four No. 1s and four No. 16s:
No. 1s: Books, soft shelled crabs, eclairs, TV clicker.
No. 16s: Socks, meatloaf, injections, stairs.