Running off at the typewriter. …
This just in: The Magic will forgo Easter eggs this year and have a massive hunt for multiple multi-colored ping-pong balls. No, I'm not accusing the Magic of tanking the season in hopes of getting the No. 1 draft pick, but how long until the team sends out this press release: "Jameer Nelson will miss the remainder of the year with a severe case of hiccups." . . . The Miami Dolphins have a new logo in which the marine mammal mascot isn't wearing a helmet anymore. As if we needed more proof that NFL ownership has no regard for the hired help contracting concussions. . . . Did you see where singer Dionne Warwick owes $10 million to the government? It could be worse. She could be like the Magic and owe $10 million to Hedo Turkoglu. . . . Can you believe the cities of Sacramento and Seattle are fighting over an NBA team like the Kings? This is like two vultures in a tug of war over a possum carcass. . . . What should President Obama do now that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un has reportedly put his missile units on alert to strike the United States? I'm thinking he should use the diplomatic approach, pick up the red phone and say, "OK, OK, just relax, we'll put Dennis Rodman in the Basketball Hall of Fame!" . . .
By the time you finish reading this sentence, somebody will have either joined or departed the league formerly known as the Big East. . . . UCF to Florida Gulf Coast: "Yeah, but our football team is better than yours!" Florida Gulf Coast: "But we don't have a football team." UCF: "Excuses, excuses!" . . . And just how football-centric has our nation become? Well, let me put it this way: If you ask most sports fans in these parts, they will tell you baseball season starts just before the NFL draft and ends right around the Florida-Georgia game. . . .
A poem in honor of Robert Frost's birthday earlier this week:
Somewhere ages and ages hence,
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And wondered why the Magic can't play defense?"
A moment of silence, please: Fitness pioneer Joe Weider is now playing catch with That Big Medicine Ball in the Sky. . . . Just to be clear: Nobody cares who you have left in your NCAA Tournament bracket. . . . Can you believe Justin Bieber is growing a mustache? I guess he's trying to look older than Rob Hennigan. . . . In all seriousness, Central Florida should consider itself lucky: We have avoided three potential tragedies this year: (1) The Nationwide wreck at Daytona (2) The sociopath shooter at UCF (3) Sunday's PGA Tour decision to have Tiger Woods tee off as a violent thunderstorm approached. . . . Sadly, Jeopardy host Alex Trebek has announced he's retiring. Word is he wants to spend more time with Urban Meyer's family. . . . Michigan State coach Tom Izzo's 13-year-old son filled out his NCAA Tournament bracket and actually picked Duke to beat his father's team. Hey, kid, when you turn 16, I hope you like that first car dad buys you — A 1991 Buick Skylark. . . .
New FSU recruiting coordinator Tim Brewster sent out this Twitter dispatch to prospects in South Florida the other day: "Need the 305 to know Doak is sold out 85,000 every home game. Wow!! Go Noles!! #NoleNation." Actually, Doak Campbell Stadium was sold out only twice in seven games last year and averaged 75,601 fans per home game. But, hey, all is fair in love, war and college football recruiting. If you ain't lyin', you ain't tryin'. . . . True story: There's now actually a video game men can play by strategically peeing into restroom urinals. You know it's only a matter of time before it morphs into (menacing baritone voice): "Call of Duty: Tinkle Warfare 2!" . . Best wishes on this Easter weekend to all of our loyal readers. May your prayers be answered — especially the one about the Lakers missing the playoffs.
Don't forget, you can click on OrlandoSentinel.com and read the wildly popular Open Mike blog and interactive extravaganza to get my freshest takes on what's happening in the world of sports. Here's a blog about the Sentinel's current NCAA Tournament-style bracket to pick the greatest college football player in state history:
"Tim Tebow is the favorite, but Danny Wuerffel should be the winner of the Orlando Sentinel's bracket to choose the greatest college football player in state history
In a travesty of justice, the Sentinel Selection Committee didn't even make Wuerffel a No. 1 seed. The Committee selected Deion Sanders as the No. 1 overall seed even though Deion never won a single national title and was most well-known in college for not going to class and for being the star of FSU's infamous rap video.
Of course, just as I predicted, Deion didn't even make it into the Sweet 16 because this bracket is about who is the GREATEST COLLEGE football player; not who is the most athletically gifted and flashiest college football player who went on to become an NFL superstar. This is why former Florida State quarterback Charlie Ward is still alive and in the Elite 8 of our bracket and Deion isn't.
Now, back to Wuerffel vs. Tebow -- the two players who I have predicted will meet in the national championship of the Sentinel bracket. There's no question Tebow is the most famous college player in state history, but I maintain Wuerffel is the GREATEST.
Tebow and Wuerffel both won one national title and a Heisman as a starting quarterback. Yes, Tebow was a contributor to a second national title but Chris Leak (remember him?), not Tebow, was the starter in 2006.
And don't forget, Wuerffel as a starter led his team to two national title games; Tebow as a starter led his team to one national title game. Wuerffel also gets extra credit for being the first Gator quarterback to lead his team to a national championship. I've made this comparison before with Steve Spurrier and Urban Meyer, but I'll make it again with Tebow and Wuerffel: Tebow is like Boeing , a company that makes a great airplane these days and has come up with many new aeronautical innovations. Wuerffel is the Wright Brothers.
Then there is this: UF fans, coaches and players always say that winning the Southeastern Conference title is the most important goal every season. Well, then, Tebow's teams won only two SEC championships; Wuerffel's teams won four.
Wuerffel also gets credit for engineering the greatest victory in UF history — a 52-20 rout of Florida State in the 1997 national championship game. Seriously, will it ever get any better for UF fans than clobbering your No. 1 rival in the national title game? The fact that the 52-20 victory over FSU came in Wuerffel's final college game made his career that much more memorable and special.