How bummed is Brent Musburger that Manti Te'o's girlfriend doesn't exist?

Running off at the typewriter. …

Thank goodness for Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o and his fake girlfriend, both of whom have been the genesis of some of the best comedic lines since the invention of Twitter. Here are the top 10 one-liners that fellow tweeters and I came up with this week:

•Now we know who was sitting in Clint Eastwood's empty chair: It was Manti Te'o's girlfriend.

Two people most disappointed Manti Te'o's girlfriend doesn't exist: (1) Manti Te'o (2) Brent Musburger.

Who has a better chance of being a starting quarterback in the NFL next year — Tim Tebow or Manti Te'o's girlfriend?

This just in: Sports Illustrated is reporting that Manti Te'o's girlfriend used to date Sidd Finch.

Manti Te'o's girlfriend does actually exist. She's just spending time with Urban Meyer's family.

The real reason George O'Leary got fired at Notre Dame: He listed Manti Te'o's girlfriend as a reference on his résumé.

The SEC: Real football! Real girlfriends!

A.J. McCarron's girlfriend: Miss Alabama, 2012. Manti Te'o's girlfriend: Miss Narnia, 2010

Hey, remember when Manti Te'o's girlfriend won the Tour de France?

And now we finally know who Ping's real source is: Manti Te'o's girlfriend!

Short stuff: Remove the tarps, the Jacksonville Jaguars have just hired Gus Bradley to be their new head coach. Woo-hoooooo! . . . Seriously, do the Jaguars have some sort of organizational aversion to being interesting? You want to talk about a milquetoast franchise. If NFL teams had fight songs, the Jaguars' would be performed by Dan Fogelberg.

. . . Mikey likes: Patriots over Ravens by just 2, Falcons over 49ers by 6, Starsky and Hutch reruns over inaugural game of the NHL season by 200,000 viewers. . . . There are reports Tiger Woods and ex-wife Elin are considering getting back together again. In related news, pancake house waitresses around the globe are flying their flags at half-staff. This might be the first case in matrimonial history where a "no-Perkins" clause is written into the pre-nuptial agreement.

...

Oprah said she did extensive research and came up with 112 questions for her interview with Lance Armstrong. I'm not saying she was over-prepared, but I will say I'm glad she didn't get to the last question on her list — Ginger or Maryanne? . . . But, seriously, you gotta admire Oprah. She got Armstrong to admit he's a liar, a cheater and a bully. It got to a point where I thought she was going to get him to admit he went to Magic management last year and asked them to fire Stan. . . . An imaginary girlfriend is the only kind Chris Rainey should be allowed to have. . . . True story: A doctor in Germany is in all kinds of legal trouble after he left 16 objects inside a patient during prostate surgery. And now we know what became of NFL replacement refs. . . .

Everybody is getting on new Philadelphia Eagles coach Chip Kelly for saying he was going to stay at Oregon. Hey, he never said for how long. . . . University of Florida offensive tackle Jessaman Dunker was arrested earlier this week for driving a stolen scooter. What's the world coming to? Gator boosters used to buy cars for recruits, but now they can't even afford scooters. It's the economy, stupid! . . . When is Otis Smith going to go on Oprah and apologize for Gilbert Arenas? . . . Question: If you have unprotected sex with a fake online girlfriend, does your iPad get pregnant? . . . Did you see where Ozzy Osbourne and Black Sabbath are reuniting and putting out their first album in 35 years. I'm not saying these guys are old , but I hear they're recording a sequel to "Iron Man" called "Iron Deficiency Man." . . . Breaking news: Manti Te'o's girlfriend just announced she is leaving the Big East!

OPEN MIKE:

Don't forget, you can click on OrlandoSentinel.com and read the wildly popular Open Mike blog and interactive extravaganza to get my freshest takes on what's happening in the world of sports. Here's an updated blog item about former UF star Chris Rainey getting cut by the Pittsburgh Steelers after being arrested for hitting his girlfriend.

I never thought I'd see the day when the NFL would take a stronger stance on player discipline then our intercollegiate institutions of higher earning, er, learning.

 

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