Mr. Flip Productions is proud to present, direct from the Ramada Inn on Route 9 in Lakewood, N.J., presenting her one-woman tribute to the great Connie Francis, Miss Francie Conway!

OK, we couldn't quite afford such high-class entertainment here at The Flip Side, but if Miss Conway were here, we have a song she could sing, exploring the issue of baseball and steroids and performed to the tune of that great Connie Francis smash, "Where the Boys Are."

Where the 'roids are

Home runs wait for me

With each needle pinch

Biceps grow an inch

The fans cheer endlessly

When I hit one

It sails far through the night

Only half a swing

And the ball goes zing

The press praises my might

Will they catch me?

Could I be so dumb?

Where the 'roids are

Where the 'roids are

Where the 'roids are

There'll be a home run


  • When it comes to celebrity fans, Cincinnati has Nick Lachey and Kentucky has Ashley Judd. Final score in NCAA second round: Kentucky 69, Cincinnati 60.