Late Wednesday night, someone named Tom Hamilton sent me this email with the subject line “And I am a Cubs fan’’:
“I was all excited about our new YOUNG Management team, thinking they would make a difference. Interesting Fact the two Worst teams in Baseball today are the Cubs with our New young management team, and the Boston Red Sox some of them had a major influence on’’
Or the wrong ball club, if you hate cruddy baseball, and if that’s the case, how did you survive as a Cubs fan all these years?
Whatever, one thing is for sure: After Ryan Dempster beat the bullpen to the choke Wednesday, the Cubs plummeted to 1-5, making Theo Epstein’s new team the worst in the National League the way his old team plummeted to the worst in the AL.
That’s some parallel front, huh?
But here’s the thing: They told you the Cubs were going to stink.
Oh, they couldn’t come out and say it like that. They still had tickets to sell, not to mention a plan to hijack taxpayer money.
But look, they couldn’t wait to ignore the bidding on Prince Fielder and Albert Pujols. They couldn’t wait to get rid of their biggest run producer. They couldn’t wait to pay some fool like the Marlins to take their lunatic pitcher.
And if that wasn’t clear enough, they traded their best reliever to a division rival. What says “We stink’’ better than that?
You there, Tom Hamilton, I appreciate your emailing me your frustration and anger, but wake up. When the Cubs traded Sean Marshall, they yammered about Travis Wood. He was the prize return in the deal, but he stinks so badly that even a franchise built on stink and willing to stink this season couldn’t take him north.
Cubs fans said they would be patient, and now they have to prove it.
And the owner needs to pipe down a little, too.
My emailing friend Tom Hamilton, see, is not alone. There is at least one other loon who expected a good team, and that would be Cubs chairman Tom Ricketts. Maybe it’s just guys named Tom who can’t connect the dots, but whatever, Ricketts told every broadcast outlet that would roll tape that the Cubs would be a good team this year.
How can the guy who hired Epstein sound like he has no clue what the guy is doing? I mean, Baseball Moses came down from Mt. Fenway and handed unto Cubs fans his Ten Commandments, which are worth recounting as this baseball begins while the Passover season ends:
Thou shalt have no other Clown Kenneys above me.
Thou shalt not keep Carlos Zambrano at any price.
Thou shalt not bow down thyself to mere batting averages.
Thou shalt honor thy on-base percentage.
Thou shalt not continually swing at the first pitch.
Remember the 10-pitch at-bat and keep it holy.
Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy spray charts.
Honor thy Sabremetrics that thy WHIP be low.
Thou shalt not kill thy farm system by trading four prospects for one starter.
Thou shalt not covet they neighbor’s aging slugger.
Just wait. That’s the job of a Cubs fan right now. Sorry, but it’s the truth, despite the hogwash the owner is spouting.
The waiting should be worth it. I know it’s early, but in seven games at Iowa, first baseman Anthony Rizzo was hitting .333 with 9 homers and 18 RBIs and a crazy on-base-plus slugging percentage of 1.046. Second baseman Adrian Cardenas was hitting .320 and slugging .760. Third baseman Josh Vitters had an OBP of .500.
The Cubs already have their major-league shortstop --- or maybe not, what with Starlin Castro’s attention span --- but when you go around the horn like that in the Cubs’ farm system, you see why you have to live with the major-league stink now.
And for a while.
Here's the deal, my emailing friend Tom Hamilton: See ya in 2014.