Staying dry at Preakness under the best of circumstances is no small feat. Even light showers can give the infield a real Woodstock-in-the-mud vibe, but with Ne-Yo performing the national anthem in lieu of Jimi Hendrix.
This year promises to be Preakness at its most torrential. Rain upon rain in the week leading up to the race, and potentailly during the big race itself. The track will turn to cake batter. Women wearing spring dresses and expensive hats will slip and fall in the mud. At least one shirtless man will try to bring back the running of the urinals, and he, too, will slip and fall. Someone should really call his mother.
We won’t be compiling a list of ways to stay dry at this year’s Preakness, because that would imply you have a chance of staying dry this year, which you don’t. And we don’t lie to our readers.
But you can and will survive this year’s Preakness, no matter how muddy. You may even make it with your cell phone, and some dignity intact.
» Wear rubber rain boots — preferably knee-high. For extra protection, put plastic grocery bags over your socks. Nothing ruins a day faster than wet feet.
» Dress in layers. Keep an extra plastic bag for anything that gets soaked too badly so you can throw it in the garbage. It goes without saying that this is not a time to wear anything expensive, fashionable, or dear to you.
» Don’t bring an umbrella. It might seem an obvious choice, but those are banned on the track, so you’ll just end up having to leave it at the gate.
» Don’t be afraid to rock the plastic poncho. It may not be stylish, but hey, it works.
» Keep your cell phone in a sealed, special container, perhaps a bag of rice to keep it dry. Seriously. Someone’s iPhone is going to get wet and it could be yours.
» If all else fails, just stay in the clubhouse with all the other dry, happy people.