Running off at the typewriter. …
It's over, right? The U.S. Open is now the U.S. Closed. Rory McIlroy is torching the course at Congressional and making the rest of the field look like the C-flight at the Stoneybrook West member-guest. McIlroy is absolutely the hottest thing D.C. has seen since that Argentine stripper who took down former Arkansas congressman Wilbur Mills. Congressional is the hallowed course where all the influential politicians play, and McIlroy is undressing it like Anthony Weiner on Twitpic. There's no chance McIlroy will choke away the Open like he choked away the Masters. No way, no how can he blow this lead. Can he? … Speaking of choking, did you hear Monday will be National LeBron James Day? That's right, everybody gets off 12 minutes early. … Turns out that even the NCAA compliance director at O-Lie-O State drives a courtesy car supplied to him by a local car dealer. So let me see if I've got this straight: The guy who is supposed to make sure the players at Tattoo U. aren't driving around in free cars is driving around in a free car himself? Welcome to the hypocritical "do as I say not as I do" world of college athletics. … And, by the way, I'm starting to think O-Lie-O State's compliance staff is in place not to clean up any potential violations but to cover them up. …
Can you believe thousands upon thousands of Vancouver fans rioted in the streets -- looting stores, burning cars and smashing windows – after the Canucks lost to the Boston Bruins in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup playoffs? This is believed to be the most embarrassing incident in Canada since Loverboy sang, "The Kid is Hot Tonight." … And can we please stop with all of these in-depth stories trying to analyze why sports fans riot. I can explain it in five words: "Because they're drunk and mad." … Say a prayer for former Gators quarterback and Heisman Trophy winner Danny Wuerffel, who is fighting to recover from a serious nerve disorder. I've covered a lot of athletes in my day, but none is more decent and giving than Danny Wonderful. …
Magic GM Otis Smith says getting on Twitter has to be "the dumbest thing a professional athlete has ever done." Obviously, Otis forgot about the time when Magic Johnson tried to be a late-night talk show host. … Glad to see Mike Tyson was indicted, er, inducted into the Boxing Hall of Fame. … Also inducted, in the Boxing Hall of Fame, if you can believe this, was Sylvester Stallone – a. k. a. Rocky Balboa. Good grief, what other sport inducts fictional characters into its Hall of Fame? Coming soon: Air Bud gets into Basketball Hall of Fame. … My buddy, Obnoxious Boston Fan Bill, says the Heatles need to change their name to the Choke Ridge Boys. …Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo got married the other day, which means he now has experienced more wedding ceremonies than playoff victories. …
Florida State will open up its football season this year with Louisiana-Monroe and Charleston Southern. Jimbo Fisher coached in the SEC and now he schedules like he's in the SEC. I'm hearing next year's non-conference schedule will include Al's Barber College and Aunt Martha's Cake Decorating Institute. … Did you see where Greg Anderson, Barry Bonds' personal trainer, has been barred from coaching a youth league baseball team in the San Francisco area? Too bad because he would have given a whole new meaning to the term "juice boxes." … Did you see where there was pre-dawn brawl Friday among some of those who were waiting in line to get into the Casey Anthony trial? Who do these people think they are – Canadian hockey fans? … Last word: After beating the Heat, the Dallas Mavericks went on Letterman and read "The Top Ten Best Things About Winning the NBA Championship." Dirk Nowitzki delivered the No. 1 reason: "It might land me a Kardashian sister!"
Most every weekday, you can click on OrlandoSentinel.com and read the wildly popular Open Mike blog and interactive extravaganza to get my freshest takes on what's happening in the world of sports. Here's an excerpt from a blog earlier in the week in which I wrote about a local band that recorded a song imploring Dwight Howard to stay in Orlando.
"As Dwight made international headlines this week in Italy by telling an NBA.com reporter that he will become a free agent and not sign an extension with the Orlando Magic, a local rock band released a song and urged Dwight to "please stay — just a little bit longer." It is sung to the tune of the old classic doo-wop song "Stay" by the 1960s group Maurice Williams and the Zodiacs.
The Orlando band, the Down Brothers, is composed of Magic fans who recorded the song at locally owned Starlight Studios. They hope it will appeal to Dwight's love of music and sense of loyalty.
A sampling of the lyrics:
"Don't do a Shaq and run away. …
Don't leave us and be gone,
Don't treat us like LeBron."
Said Jeff Wilson, the lead singer of the band and the writer of the song: "We all have to do everything we can to keep Dwight in Orlando and that includes us musicians. We believe there is Magic in the power of music."
You can listen to the song and watch the video at my Open Mike blog at OrlandoSentinel.com
(Most interesting reader retorts, tangy tweets and Bianchi barbs of the week):
Did you hear LeBron James is considering becoming the first man on Saturn? He figures it's the only way he'll ever see a ring!
Why should you never ask LeBron James if he has change for a dollar? Because he'll only give you three quarters!
Why didn't LeBron James go to college? Because he would have never shown up for finals?
In honor of Father's Day, three of my favorite quotes about being a dad:
"Small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys." – Anonymous
"Don't make a baby if you can't be a father." – National Urban League
"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope." – Bill Cosby
firstname.lastname@example.org Read Mike Bianchi's Open Mike blog at OrlandoSentinel.com/openmike and listen to his Open Mike radio show every weekday from 6 to 9 a.m. on 740-AM.Copyright © 2015, The Baltimore Sun