Here's to you, Brent Kowalkoski, the self-entitled idiot in Old Navy cargo shorts who thought Monday night would be an opportune time to rush the mound at Wrigley and confront pitcher Bob Howry after Howry gave up a ninth-inning three-run home run to the Rockies' Troy Tulowitzki.
At least William Ligue, the shirtless mulleted Sox fan who attacked Royals first-base coach Tom Gamboa at U.S. Cellular Field back in 2002, had the boozy sense to go after a member of the opposition, albeit a geriatric one.
However sweet the tackle Wrigley security guard Anton Migursky administered, I'm sure it paled in comparison to what Howry would've done had the guy reached the mound.
According to Howry, Kowalkoski asked him "What are you doing?" Howry didn't have time to answer before security pounced. But his likely response wouldn't been, "Preparing to beat the life out of you."
OK, that's old news. Just thought the more ridicule this guy receives, the better.
The Cubs have won five straight and go for a sweep of the Rockies today. Jacque Jones still is a member of the Cubs. According to the Tribune's Paul Sullivan in the new baseball blog, money is an issue with unloading Jones--mainly takers don't want to pay much of his 2008 $7 million salary.
Today's lineups and we're off. Carlos Zambrano vs. Jason Hirsh.
Today's Cubicle on this hot and muggy June afternoon is brought to you by Gold Bond Medicated Powder.
Zambrano starts center-fielder Cory Sullivan off with a fastball and eventually strikes him out on three pitches. Kaz Matsui lifts a flyball down the left-field line and Soriano dances around the bullpen mound and catches it in foul ground. Matt Holliday, neck and neck with Derrek Lee in the NL batting race, draws a walk. Zambrano walks Todd Helton, too. Zambrano doesn't like the strike zone and neither does first base coach Matt Sinatro, who was shown yelling from the dugout. Garrett Atkins pops up but not before a few more close calls don't go Zambrano's way. Dan Iassogna's strike zone is very small so far.
Alfonso Soriano flies out to left. Mike Fontenot pops up to short and Tulowitzki loses it in the sun. The ball falls to the ground untouched. Things are going well for Fontenot, who then takes second on a wild pitch. Lee walks and someone brings Tulowitzki some sunglasses. Bob Brenly likens that to shutting the barn door after the horses have bolted. Cliff Floyd flies out. Angel Pagan bounces back to the pitcher, so all that stuff with the two baserunners goes for naught (nought?).
Soriano makes a long run in and towards the line to grab Brad Hawpe's bloop. And if you've ever had your bloop grabbed you know how painful that can be. Zambrano strikes out Tulowitzki. Yorvit Torrealba strikes out, too. (In case you're keeping score in the office, common spelling on all these names.)
And where does "celebrity" factor into to these Stepford-waving Walgreen's Celebrity Batkids? Mark DeRosa doubles over Cory Sullivan's head in center. Sullivan couldn't be bothered with going back on that one. "Oh, what the heck. I'll just play it off the wall." Hill pops out to short. And, yes, I am clipping and pasting all these names. Hirsh whips another one to the backstop and DeRosa takes third. Way outside. The infield comes in and Ryan Theriot fouls one off. Theriot dumps a single into center, knocking in DeRosa with the first run. Zambrano takes a rip that would make Reggie Jackson proud. He missed it. Zambrano strikes out. With Soriano up, Theriot steals second. Soriano dumps one down the right-field line.... foul. Soriano strikes out.
Cubs 1, Rockies 0
Oh, just great, Jared Fogle is in the booth. And honestly, looks like he could stand to drop a few. Hirsh, the pitcher rips one down the line, and DeRosa, the third baseman, makes a nice back-handed play of the liner. Sullivan singles to left. Jared yammers on about something before Len shows him the door. Wait, he's still there and he's holding up giant pair of his old pants he must've bought at the camping store. They're a size 60 and he claims his waist is now a 34. Sure thing. Matsui was retired somehow. Not sure, I was too worried about Jared. Holliday grounds out.