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Give thanks for early moutza

Oprah, Rahmfather are among top candidates for the month

John Kass

November 24, 2013

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Don't you dare flash your open palm at me. Put that hand down.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking, why is Kass giving the Moutza of the Month for November when November isn't quite done?

Well, this week I'm on vacation. So my friends, let's moutza.

Prepare to give the hand sign of contempt of my Hellenic ancestors. Spread your fingers wide, and say the words: Nah! (here). Feesa etho (Blow on it), or Parta (take them), Fahta (eat them).

Now for the nominees.

Hi, Oprah Winfrey.

That's a lovely Presidential Medal of Freedom you're wearing, Oprah. Would you trade it for a scrumptious slice of White House pie?

Or would you rather wager it all in a friendly game of "Let the Geezer Racists Just Die"?

"Hands down," wrote Bill T. on Facebook. "Oprah! Nah!"

Christine E. voted for Rob Ford, the thoroughly pixilated yet fiscally prudent mayor of Toronto, though she added, "If it has to be an American, definitely Oprah!"

Kristin B. wrote: "How about people already camped out for Black Friday deals?"

That's the spirit!

Nah!

I'd like to nominate Karissa and Rick Parran, of Georgia, stars of the reality TV show "Extreme Cheapskates."

To save money on shampoo, the Parrans take showers together, and he filches suds off her head to wash his own hair. They even share the same dental floss.

Karissa and Rick, Nah!

Naturally, all public libraries that hide behind the First Amendment to allow degenerates to watch pornographic videos that can be seen by children deserve a moutza. That includes the Chicago Public Library.

But Mayor Rahm Emanuel is the boss. And the fearsome Rahmfather just weighed in on the First Amendment.

"I used to tell President Clinton, when it comes to the American press, the First Amendment is highly overrated," Emanuel said in an interview at a Bloomberg Business lunch on the futures of cities.

Hmmm. My hand is itchy.

The First Amendment is valid in Chicago when it's used to allow creeps to watch porn videos at libraries where kids may see? But it's not valid when it comes to examining how elected officials spend our money to gain power?

Hey, Rahmfather, take five.

Nah!

Have some more while we're at it: Nah!

U.S. Rep. Trey Radel, a Florida Republican, wanted welfare recipients to undergo drug tests. But the other day, news broke that he'd been arrested for allegedly trying to buy cocaine from undercover federal agents.

"I have no excuse for what I have done," said "Snowbird" Radel. "I have let down our country."

Well, dude, here's a pick-me-up. Please take two.

Nah! Nah! Oh, and blow right here, but please not through your nose.

And what of the wackadoodle potty-mouth leftist commentator on MSNBC?

Martin Bashir, our hands open to you, and your bosses at MSNBC and their bosses at NBC.

Bashir, the British journalist and MSNBC host, recently made a disgusting comment about Republican Sarah Palin. (If you want the specifics, Google it yourself. But don't say I didn't warn you.)

Bashir's remark wasn't off-the-cuff. It was scripted.

Palin isn't my cup of tea. I don't see her as a serious political figure. But no one deserves to be treated like that.

Imagine if a conservative man said that about some liberal feminist icon? He'd be fired, but first he'd be symbolically castrated and sent to a re-education camp.

Bashir apologized. But as of Friday, he hadn't been fired.

NBC, MSNBC and Martin Bashir, you reveal yourselves.

Nah! Nah! Nah! Nah!

Eat them. And here's another in advance for the next time you do a story on the lack of civility in American politics. Nah!

Many readers demanded a moutza for Senate Democrats, for passing the "nuclear option," allowing for simple majority rule in the Senate.

Only a few years ago, Democratic senators like Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Dick Durbin and Harry Reid screamed holy hell when Republicans even thought of doing it.

Democrats rightly warned that such a move could threaten the republic by eliminating the checks and balances thought critical by the founders.

Obama, the self-proclaimed constitutional expert, said it was a terribly dangerous idea. Now he loves it.

"Reid and Durbin," wrote Steve B. "The Thelma and Louise of Politics. … Too bad there isn't a cliff."

There is a cliff, Steve. And the republic is rolling right toward it. This moutza we leave for history.

Yet what about the here and now?

Winfrey, the Queen of Talk, the Great and Terrible O, made big news by wanting to become America's Czarina of Death.

Oprah offered a prescription for old people who criticize President Obama. She said many who do so have been marinated in the evils of racism.

"There are still generations of people, older people, who were born and bred and marinated in it, in that prejudice and racism, and they just have to die," she told the BBC.

Yes Oprah, many geezers are racist. White ones, black ones too, and yet, many also voted for Obama, WHO WAS ELECTED TWICE.

Some voted for him because of their prejudice, others in spite of it. The food metaphor was nice, but pronouncing their death sentence is somewhat extreme, no?

It's too bad Oprah didn't offer this view when the geezer ladies were watching her TV show, making her rich.

Clearly, Oprah suffers from the heartbreak of racecardism. And there's only one cure.

Oh, Great and Terrible O, can you see it?

The Moutza of November is coming.

Nah!

jskass@tribune.com

Twitter @John_Kass