What's worse than Bears wideouts? Their coach's pity party

I have an answer for Darryl Drake: Because we’re tired of being served dung and then told it’s dinner.

This is not “Jeopardy!’’ This is not about giving an answer and then getting to the question. Because Drake did not ask a question. No, the Bears wide receivers coach issued a statement. No, make that an order. A demand that you accept, love and, I don’t know, bring warm milk and cookies and blankies for his position group.

Get a load of Drake in the wake of the offensive disaster in New Orleans:

"We've got what we've got, and people need to embrace what we've got and stop (whining) about it. Things are not going to change, so why talk about them? If you're a true Bears fan why beat them up? They're ours. …

"Let's embrace them so they know we love them and they'll continue to play to the best of their abilities. … Complain about them at the end of the year. But right now, don't complain.'' 

What. A. Crock.

So much gall, so little ammunition.

This is becoming as thin as the wideouts' contributions Sunday, which totaled more than the three catches I erroneously wrote earlier but didn't seem like it.

But let’s break this down the way the Bears wide receiving unit has been broken for generations.

Drake started with "We've got what we've got.’’ Always a bad sign. Turn out the lights. Ballgame. Because when someone starts with “We’ve got what we’ve got,’’ it’s an admission that the subject is bad, the argument is over, and this is heading for a mercy plea.

When Drake says, “We’ve got what we’ve got,’’ we all know it’s code for “Yeah, we know they’re below NFL standards, management has no clue what a wide receiver looks like, please don’t look at Green Bay’s wideouts, the worst of whom is better than our alleged top guy, whoever that is, if we have one.’’

Drake continues with “and people need to embrace what we've got and stop (whining) about it.’’ This is the position coach's version of “Here’s your liver and onions, kids.’’

Note that Drake didn’t say “whining.’’ He said something more pottymouth. I’m not a psychologist, but I play one on the Internet, and so, I believe we can interpret that as a reflection of Drake’s anger that he has to defend players who apparently are so easily defended by opponents on a weekly basis.

Moving right along, Drake said, “Things are not going to change, so why talk about them?’’ This is an old spinmeister trick, trying to characterize the critic as wasting his breath.

But what Drake has done here is actually give Bears fans and critics more reason to empty the magazine. “Things are not going to change’’ sounds like “Tough’’ or “nyah-nyah-nyah.’’ It’s an infuriating and snotty attitude that is best left to us professionals, Darryl. You get back to not teaching Devin Hester the playbook.

Drake, of course, had more: “If you're a true Bears fan why beat them up? They're ours. … Let's embrace them so they know we love them and they'll continue to play to the best of their abilities. … Complain about them at the end of the year. But right now, don't complain.''

This is the full mercy plea. Time for the pity party. Time to throw up, too.

True Bears fans beat them up because they know when someone’s shoveling garbage, and it’s especially aggravating when the answer is resorting to charity cases.

Bears fans and critics also hate it when the people shoveling the garbage can’t even shovel it in the right order. Look, Hester and Roy Williams should not be the starting wide receivers because Johnny Knox and Earl Bennett are the best the Bears have, except the Bears don’t seem to know this.

Beyond pity, though, is pathetic. I call your attention to “Let's embrace them so they know we love them.’’ Pa. Thet. Ic. Are these adults or 4-year-olds? If the position coach makes it sound like they all need a group hug, then how can they be expected to be tough enough to go over the middle? Mommy, make it stop!

Here’s an idea: Look at your paycheck, then earn it.

Hester said it’s “the nature of the beast’’ to blame the receivers when the passing game isn’t working. Yes, and that’s because it’s hard to blame offensive linemen for not getting off the jam, failing to finish routes and dropping passes.

Drake’s assault on the critics was so lame, you’d think Mike Martz planned it. What he did was give Bears fans and critics more reasons to boo and criticize.

And by the way, someone tell Drake the venom aimed at the wideouts isn’t totally aimed at the wideouts. It just seems that way because Jerry Angelo never lines up at flanker.

 

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