Closings & delays

Craig Ferguson's Press Tour Hits

Here are some of the gems we heard when Craig Ferguson, host of "The Late Late Show," met with journalists at the CBS Press Tour:

  • "I will answer any of your questions -- not necessarily honestly."
  • On his new book ("reasonably priced, available on September the 22nd"): "It's an autobiography and I'm looking forward to reading it... I hear it's great! A lot of it I just couldn't remember so I made it up -- but I admitted that right away."
  • On Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: "He didn't win - either in my puppet show or in Iran."
  • "That's why I never would Twitter -- I have an hour to fill every f*ing night, what else would I say? 'Going to say things tonight!'"
  • On the most interesting thing on his show tending to be the mistakes: "I am my own blooper reel."
  • On his ambitions as a child: "I half expected doing something in show business because it was tolerant of drunkenness and you could meet girls. Now I'm married and a teetotaler, but I'm still here."
  • On whether audiences seem to be well-informed: "The audience I see at night, the one in the studio, they seem to know as much as I do, but they may just be laughing so I don't look awkward."
  • On whether he watches his late-night competitors: "I don't watch the other late- night shows. I have a child and a TiVo. I see' Duck Dodgers' and 'Mythbusters' because I've got an 8-year-old son."
  • On Jimmy Kimmel: "I never thought we were in competition. Jimmy's competition is Adult Swim. My competition is sleep or the ShamWow commercial."
  • On ratings: "All ratings stop at [age] 49. I'm 47, so in two years, I'm f*ed? F* you!"
  • On best and worst guests. "Betty White is my favorite guest. My least favorite guest is an actor who I'm not going to name, because f* him."
  • On David Letterman: "David Letterman is more than my boss. David Letterman, no matter what the numbers have ever been, ever, is king of late-night television."
  • On his relationship with David Letterman: "I sit at the feet of the master, or in, in the modern parlance, I am his biyotch."
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