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Quick 'n' dirty sex advice, fall edition

It's fall! That means it's time for another quick 'n' dirty style advice column. Oh yeah. If you missed the last one, read the summer quickies here.

I'm so awkward at parties! How do I make conversation without looking like a doofus?
Approach people who are alone rather than in a group because you'll be less intimidated and you'll get that person's undivided attention. Ask basic, neutral questions: "Who do you know at this party?" "Is that a Mexican car bomb you're drinking?" And then really listen to their answers. Be curious about people. And get yourself a drink. It doesn't have to be alcoholic, but having something to do with your hands helps awkwardness. Lastly, fake it till you make it is real good advice. Hundreds of studies have shown that if you act like you are confident and carefree, you will eventually feel that way. Same goes for smiling--it actually does make you feel happier.

My friend is dating a total douche. Is there anything I can do to talk some sense into her?
Be compassionate. Sooner or later you'll be in the same boat and will need backup.

I miss my ex-girlfriend so much. Even though I know she was wrong for me, how do I get over her?
The same way you get over a hangover: Time (and water). Be kind to yourself. Accept that everything ends and you did the best you could. Tell yourself, "There's never a good reason to stay in a bad relationship" until you actually believe it.

I find you very attracted to ... How is your sex life?
Battery-operated. And thanks?

He says: We don't have sex enough. I say: I feel emotionally ignored, which makes me feel not at all sexy. Is our relationship screwed?
It will be if you keep talking to strangers on the Internet and not each other.

My life is one constant string of disappointments. Where did I go wrong?
It's a matter of perspective. Life will always look grim when your head's that far up your ass.

How do I get the most out of life?
As Alice Walker said, "Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise."

How do I get over my constant need for Facebook validation?
Learn to "like" yourself.

What's the best advice you've ever been given?
"Do something! Do something! Do something!" -- Susan Sontag

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