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'Hard Breakers' review: Gorgeous, stupid girls complaining

* (out of four)

After sleeping with blatantly terrible guys and then whining about how terrible they are, stunning beauties (Cameron Richardson of "Entourage," Sophie Monk of "Date Movie") decide the best way to get men is clonking them over the head with a surfboard and seducing them when they wake up. I don't get it, either.

The buzz: For the time being, "Hard Breakers" is opening only in Miami and San Diego before it arrives shortly on DVD. (Clearly Midwesterners can't understand a movie that in any way involves surfboards.) In pursuit of unintentionally bad camp, I just couldn't resist reviewing a movie whose supporting cast includes Tia Carrere, Tom Arnold, Sticky Fingaz, Alexis Arquette and Chris Kattan.

The verdict: Was the requirement for casting simply a proof of purchase at Hollister? This surfing sex comedy does no favors to any of those words, and words don't really seem to be familiar territory to most of these characters in the first place. The one star awarded to the film is only for Kattan's amusingly sleazy movie producer. Virtually every other moment of this awkward nonsense proves only how far certain stars have fallen and that beautiful people can, in fact, be so dumb that they're undateable. As if anyone didn't know that.

Did you know? The movie actually features a "boing boing" noise as Alexis (Richardson) elbows Lindsay’s (Monk) breast. Really.

Watch Matt on “You & Me This Morning,” Fridays at 7 a.m. on WCIU, the U

mpais@tribune.com

Copyright © 2015, The Baltimore Sun
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