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Germany crushing Brazil 7-1 in the World Cup is like ...

For those of you who tuned out of the World Cup when the United States lost or are just aren't into soccer like that, Germany beat the brakes off host nation Brazil in the World Cup.

The numbers are staggering.

The Germans were up 5-0 at half against a team that hadn't lost at home in a non-friendly since 1975. They scored those five goals in 29 minutes, the fastest any team had scored five goals in the World Cup. By the end, it was a 7-1 shellacking; those seven goals were the most ever scored in a World Cup semifinal.

It's a complete shock to everyone watching all over the world. Seriously, this kind of unfiltered ass kicking needs to be put into perspective. Being up 5-0 after 29 minutes of a World Cup match is the equivalent of:

- Being up 56-0 in the first quarter of a football game in the playoffs.

- A team scoring five goals in the first period of a hockey game.

- An NBA team going on a 43-0 run, complete with "NBA Jam"-style dunks and wedgies for the other team.

- The Undertaker not losing this year at Wrestlemania and going 30-0 instead.

- Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men's "One Sweet Day" shattering the record of 16 weeks at No. 1 and going on for three more months.

- A regular Harlem Globetrotters game, except the Washington Generals are last year's Philadelphia 76ers.

- Riding the train for seven days a week for eight weeks and not getting a train that smells like pee.

- Finding a Blackhawks fan that can name anyone on the the team that played in 2000. 

- The Cubs winning the next six World Series.

You get it. If you have the means, find a way to watch a replay of this game. 

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