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Everybody Hold on While I Learn This New Blogging Platform

We’re all going to have to take a deep breath and just relax for a minute because when bullshit starts to pile up, it tends to do so by the dump truck.

I got back from my 2.5 week escapades in Georgia and Ohio only to discover the power company had shut off the electricity in our apartment for either very dubious reasons or very good ones, depending on whose perspective you’re taking. Then, as soon as I sat down in Chicago Bagel Authority to use their power, Wi-Fi, and bagels, I discovered that RedEye had chosen this weekend to finally make the switch from our previous Wordpress blogging platform to P2P.

P2P being an acronym for “this blog software will make you want to Put an axe to a Person’s head”. Very intuitive.

Having used so many different blogger thingmathings at this point in my life, I know I’ll survive, but still it’s one of those, “Oh so you choose now to tell me I’m pregnant” feelings. That’s why I need today's blog to kind of test the water and see how all the doohickeys and widgamigadgets work. That is also why I’ve chosen to insert a totally random picture above, and because I’m writing this before I even go look for that picture, I’m going to assume I’ll either find a computer from the 1980s or a turkey.

This is also too bad because I have a lot to write about this week: the return of “Mad Men”, Ohio State’s awesome Final Four birth, Rick Santorum’s inevitable march to Fox News stardom, and of course the Supreme Court’s possible attempt to overturn the clearly constitutional law known as Obamacare.

But nope, it’s all gotta wait until Markley can figure out what the f*** should go in the box “Canonical URL” (My guess: http://redeye.chicago.off-the-markley-william-shakespeares-the-tempest.com). Are the “Content Properties” “Opinion-based” or “Exclusive” or both? And what on God’s green earth is “Geocoding?” It sounds like a bad Taylor Lautner movie (a “good Taylor Lautner movie” being a contradiction in terms).

A random aside to fill up space: When you Google search “Taylor Lautner” to find out how to spell his last name, the second search result is “taylor lautner gay,” which gives me the greatest idea ever, which is for everyone to search the term “markley’s friend elliott rimjob” for obvious and hilarious reasons. I plan to do it all afternoon.

Whoop, guess learning P2P will have to wait.

Copyright © 2014, The Baltimore Sun
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