Burley Oak founder reflects on five years of craft beer and helping make Berlin cool
The Baltimore Sun

My New Year's resolution this year is to radically change my resolutions

After dutifully completing my list of New Year's resolutions, I realized it's the year to make radical changes to my resolutions. For example, rather than resolving to go on more date nights with hubby, I resolve to stay awake during them. When we have movie night, there may have been a few times, when I find myself awakened by John's snoring. He either needs to resolve to stop waking me during our date or I need to start wearing ear plugs.

Living with a teenager, I resolve to hold my tongue to prevent the verbal sparring that can occur. I'm not saying it does occur; I'm saying it can occur. So the next time one of these virtual sparring events starts to unfold, I am going to reach into my mouth with my fingers and hold my tongue. And these tete-a-tetes typically start with the word, "mom," so they can occur at any time and without warning. To keep the love alive, I will literally hold my tongue with my fingers in order to prevent myself from saying anything coherent.

Resolution No. 3 is to turn off the television before I fall asleep. I awaken in the middle of the night because I think it's time to get up and then I can't get back to sleep.

I resolve not to watch stupid television shows such as "American Idol" or "The Bachelor," which means I resolve not to watch 99 percent of what is on TV. I will use that extra time to hold my own tongue or start work on my biography. And I'm going to start my biography with, "Once upon a time … ."

I resolve to clean my tarnished silver jewelry with my old tooth brush and I resolve not to mix up my own tooth brush with my shiny new one. I resolve not to brush my teeth with silver tarnish polish, unless it removes my tooth tarnish.

Resolution No. 6: I resolve to stay more connected to my extended family. Or, if I like someone else's extended family better than my own, I resolve to stay more connected to theirs.

In addition to juicing regularly, I resolve to add healthy shakes into our diets. I resolve to ask hubby Johnny to be in charge of the healthy shakes because I'm the Juicing Queen and need to delegate this resolution.

I resolve to clean up the large pile of papers on my home office desk. This does not mean hiding the pile like I usually do, but organizing the projects or eliminating the papers. And once this is completed, I resolve to start working on the other piles once I find them all. I resolve to stop using sticky notes and just stick with the list. The sticky notes have gotten out of control and I need a list just to organize my sticky notes. No more sticky notes to self! I'll put that on a sticky note to remind myself.

Resolution No. 9: I resolve to have more fun at work. Better resolution: I'll win the lottery and that will certainly enable me to have more fun at work.

I resolve to pick up the doggy doodie out back regularly. Nothing more needs to be said about this little gem.

I resolve to work out daily. No wait, let me add that to someone else's resolution list. You take that one. I'll watch you work out.

I resolve to check my Facebook account every minute of every single day this year. I will add thousands of friends to my account — even people I don't even know.

I resolve to relearn Spanish because I have forgotten pretty much everything I learned. Better resolution: I will make up my own language and practice it regularly.

And finally, I resolve to blame Mojo, our wonder-dog for all gaseous sounds and smells — smells that I can't smell, but hubby swears he can smell — that may possibly emanate from me. I resolve to pay Mojo off in doggie treats to keep her quiet.

And with that more realistic list, I am off to tarnish my teeth. Happy New Year!

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