For this week's philanthropy, I suggest buying two packs of diapers.
Give one to a local nonprofit that helps needy kids, such as the Children's Home Society.
And send the other to Tallahassee — where our legislators are in need of changing.
Talk about a bunch of babies. The latest news has these supposed financial conservatives whining about how Charlie Crist vetoed too much of their precious pork.
Some of their temper tantrums even include threats to sue.
You would think someone stole these guys' security blankets for all the boo-hooing they're doing. In reality, Crist vetoed about one-half of 1 percent of the entire budget.
If these hypocrites were the financial watchdogs they claim to be in their campaign ads, they would be cheering him. Heaven knows they would — and did — for Jeb Bush and his veto pen.
But since Charlie abandoned the GOP, these pouty little pols are stomping around the capital, threatening to sue. (I guess "activist judges" suddenly look more appealing.)
House Speaker Larry Cretul went so far as to call Crist's veto an "abuse of power."
READ THE STORY: Crist axes $372 million from state budget
Listen, if cutting spending is an abuse, there are a lot of Floridians who want to be beaten silly.
So how about you boys take your lumps, pull up your diapers and move on?
A legitimate debate about cyclists and rules of the road seems to be heading where many Florida debates go — off the cliff of reason and into the sea of insanity.
The latest has some bikers so angry about being told where to ride that they want to do away with bike lanes all over the state — to which I say: Loosen up the spandex.
Maybe some of you want to ride in the midst of fast-paced traffic. But some of us like to have the option of a dedicated lane where we don't worry quite as much about being clipped by an SUV.
Meanwhile, some of Florida's road-ragers seem to want to ban bikes from the roads altogether — to which I say: Go suck on an exhaust pipe.
Yeah, some cyclists have their issues — especially when it comes to insisting they get all the rights afforded to cars …. without being willing to follow all the rules themselves. (Ignored stop signs and lights come to mind.) But I guarantee you there are more rude and dangerous drivers on the road than cyclists.
As one co-worker said: The problem is that bikers hate motorists; motorists hate bikers; and both sides have valid points.
READ THE STORY: Florida cyclists fight bill requiring them to stay in bike lane
The bottom line on this one is that, just like in preschool, a little courtesy and common sense would go a long way.
Not every problem or issue requires a new law. And leave my darn bike lanes alone.
Spend, then duck
One of the most troubling things about the two newcomers trying to buy their way into office with self-financed ad blitzes is their reluctance to answer tough questions about their past.
Republican gubernatorial candidate Rick Scott has apparently been "unavailable" to answer detailed questions from multiple newspapers about the massive fraud his former company perpetrated on taxpayers.
And when Democrat Jeff Greene for U.S. Senate was pressed for answers about his past during a recent interview with the Orlando Sentinel editorial board, he kept saying he didn't like to look in the "rearview mirror."
Sorry, boys, but your past matters — more than 30-second sound bites.
And frankly, anyone unwilling to use the rearview mirror is probably a danger to those around him.
A private thought
So Florida is in the midst of a genuine FCAT fiasco. The private company with the $250 million contract to grade the tests is running way behind, leaving parents and teachers in limbo. Yet, don't you just know that if state employees were responsible for the exact same disaster, we would have cries for privatization … so things like this wouldn't happen.
Scott Maxwell can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or 407-420-6141.