12:45 PM EST, March 7, 2013
Boy, has the National Football League's opening day changed. I can hear the sounds of trumpets as the announcer says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, the elite of the elite," as a royal carriage appears on the field carrying Joe Flacco. "His Royal Quarterback Joe Flacco!"
Then Joe Flacco, draped in his purple Ravens robe would descend from the carriage and respond, "Thank you, my rich fans who can afford your season ticket seats, to all the advertisers who made this day possible, to my agent, Joe Linta, for being able to squeeze millions into my contract, and lastly, to my fans who watch from the televisions in their tiny abodes and neighborhood bars."
"I accept this honor of most-elite quarterback in history, which I deserve and everyone else says I deserve. I will bequeath this day to contribute to paying off the national debt through my tax attorney. Thank you."
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