Punchlines

Compiled by Ken Rasak, who can be reached at ken@kenrasak.com

May 8, 2008

Craig Ferguson, "The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson": "John McCain admitted today that he didn't vote for George Bush. He did vote for George Washington, however."

Michael Feldman, public radio's "Whad'Ya Know?": "Hillary wants a Lincoln-Douglas debate; already has the fake beard."

Comedy writer Matt Passet: "People across the country are starting to get their tax rebate checks. The government says it's going to help the economy. And what better way to stimulate the American economy than everyone buying a new Sony PlayStation?"

Comedy writer Alan Ray: "Jenna Bush gets married on Saturday. It'll be a very small wedding. The president has only invited his supporters."

Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg: "17-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears had a baby shower. There was an awkward moment when Roger Clemens showed up and gave her his phone number."

Comedy writer Jake Novak: "The makers of synthetic turf fields say their product poses no health risk - unless you're a member of the New York Jets."

Comedian Janice Hough: "The Yankees yesterday placed Alex Rodriguez on the disabled list. It's actually the first time since 2000 that the third baseman has been inactive. Well, other than the playoffs."