'A scar on my heart'

After a week that saw four Marylanders killed in Iraq, the relationship between one soldier and his best friend illustrates a bond that war couldn't break.

By Matthew Dolan | Sun Staff

November 28, 2004

One was an Arab-American Muslim; the other was an evangelical Christian from Polish stock.

One was a peace studies major learning how to resolve conflicts; the other was a scout sniper Marine training to kill.

One opposed the war in Iraq; the other lost his life fighting in one of its bloodiest battles.

Owais Tomhe and Cpl. Nicholas L. Ziolkowski forged their friendship on the playing fields of a Baltimore private school and sealed it in intimate talks at a late-night coffee shop in Cockeysville.

Neither religion, politics nor war could tear these best friends apart.

But Ziolkowski's death at age 22 two weeks ago has overwhelmed Tomhe. He joins a legion of mourners for four young Marylanders who died in less than a week battling insurgents.

Also killed were Marine Lance Cpl. David M. Branning, 21, of Cockeysville; Army Spc. Thomas K. Doerflinger, 20, of Silver Spring; and Marine Cpl. Dale A. Burger Jr., 21, of Port Deposit, who will be buried at Arlington National Cemetery tomorrow.

Eighteen Marylanders have been among the 1,235 members of the U.S. military killed in Iraq over the past 20 months.

In a week in which the impact of those deaths has been brought home to Maryland with particular force, with families, friends and communities bearing their grief, the relationship between Nick Ziolkowski and Owais Tomhe, the Marine and the Muslim, highlights the divided attitudes about the war in the United States and the bonds that hold in the face of division.

Tomhe's grief is tinged with guilt.

Sitting in his living room two days before Ziolkowski's funeral last week, Tomhe recalled a conversation with Tracy Miller, his best friend's mother. Tomhe told her that the holy Islamic fasting period of Ramadan was almost over and that Iraq would be getting safer soon.

Then he told her that Nick would be fine.

What up kid. Man well I must say talking to ya is good. I think of how nice your family is and how they ballence religion and maintain prespective. These people here dont do that. They wave at us one minute then try and blow us up the next. I hear Syrians are coming in to IRaq to try and kill Americans like it's a family summer vacation event. like "Hey lets take a trip to Iraq I hear its nice this time of year" I am just busting your balls but I had a bad week like I told ya. What do you hear over there where you are. Is it as anti American as it is here.

--An e-mail from Ziolkowski to Tomhe

They met at Boys' Latin, an all-male prep school in North Baltimore. In eighth grade, a football drill brought them together for the first time.

"There were these drills called Oklahomas," said Tomhe, who grew up in Lutherville. "Two people sitting on the ground looking at the sky. The coach throws the ball to one guy and the catcher has to run through the other guy."

Tomhe, a stocky linebacker, caught the ball. He charged Ziolkowski, a tall, lean teenager from Towson.

"We ran at each other so hard that when our helmets collided, there was a black flash and our heads were hurting for a good 10 minutes," Tomhe said.

The coach told them to take a seat. Dazed and confused, they looked at each other.

"At the same time, we both said, 'Good hit.'" After that, Tomhe said, "we chilled."