'Trashy' Tampa, 'Hot' Miami and 'Dangerous' Orlando

Orlando Sentinel's Scott Maxwell talks with FOX35 about homelessness in Central Florida.

If you've ever started typing something into a Google search, you'll often see the search engine guess what you're looking for.

Type in "Tom," and up pops "Cruise." Type in "Royal" and it will be followed by options like "Caribbean" and "baby."

Basically, the search engine lists other popular searches that started with the same word — which prompted The Atlantic Cities website to wonder what stereotypes are associated with famous cities around America.

For instance, if you type in "Why is Chicago so …" Google suggests most people want to know why it's so "windy."

Not bad — until you see the other choices include "corrupt" and "violent." Not exactly a visitors-bureau slogan.

So how do Florida cities fare? It ain't pretty.

Folks apparently think Tampa, for instance, is one big cesspool.

People were just dying to know why Tampa is so "ghetto," so "trashy," so "stressful" and so "depressed." (I'm guessing they're depressed because they're so ghetto and trashy.)

In Miami, it's "bad," "poor," and "hot." (Though, really, do you have to ask why the southern tip of Florida is hot?)

In Tallahassee, it's "boring." And in Jacksonville, it's "big."

Finally we get to Orlando — where people want to know why we're so "dangerous."

That's a fair question. So allow me to answer:

Because we have a lot of messed-up, scary stuff in these parts. That's why.

I'm talking alligators, hurricanes and sinkholes.

We also have wildfires, lightning strikes, drunken boaters and overly aggressive timeshare salesmen.

Heck, we even have amoebas in the lakes that can swim up your nose, burrow into your brain and make that swim your last.

Oh, and residents here are more prone to run over each other with our cars than anywhere else in America.

That's generally why we're dangerous.

But in our defense, we also have a lot of awesome things going for us — which may explain why the second-most popular word associated with Orlando was, well, "popular."

We have amazing winters, beautiful wildlife and impressive arts and recreation offerings. We have world-class theme parks and a top-notch airport.

We also have a wonderfully diverse population that is creative and welcoming … when they're not running you over, anyway.

Stalkers, strippers, etc.

•I finally realized who the Republican Party of Florida — which has sent out more than 50 press releases bashing Charlie Crist in the last two months — reminds me of: Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction." Crist, mind you, hasn't even filed to run in a race that's more than a year away. But the party is so obsessed with being scorned that I envision RPOF Chairman Lenny Curry up late at night in his bedroom, flicking the light on and off, scraping his thigh with a butcher's knife, saying: "You can't just leave us, Charlie. Nobody just leaves us."

•Last week, I shortchanged Orlando's most famous jurist. In fawning over the waiting room for prospective jurors in Orange County, I credited the clerk of court for all the wonderful amenities. Well, while clerks run most jury pools in Florida, Orange's is run by the judges — specifically Chief Judge Belvin Perry. I throw myself on the mercy of the court, your honor. Your waiting room rocks.

•Finally, did you know that U.S. Sen. John McCain and some others want to do away with the $1 bill? They want coins instead. Among those upset by this proposal: strippers, who often get ones as tips. McCain, however, suggested that strippers were looking at this idea the wrong way, telling "The Hill" that he hoped his proposal would help them "obtain larger denominations."