Look out, my fellow Floridians. The industrial fear complex is once again targeting our great state.
The latest trumped-up outrage is a ranking of the supposedly "scariest states in America" — where Florida ranked No. 1.
Why? Well, according to the homebuying website Estately, we have a lot of shark attacks.
OK, and a lot of hurricanes.
And spiders, snakes, tornadoes and lightning.
Also murderers and meth labs.
Yeah, meth labs. Apparently, watching big batches of crank get whipped up on an AMC show is cool. On your cul-de-sac, not so much.
Put another way: Estately noted we are the state "most likely to experience a real-life Sharknado."
To be fair, much of this stuff is true.
But you know what?
Big, hairy deal.
Floridians are a tough lot.
You know how I know? Because hardly anyone in this state was actually born here. That means most of us chose to move here.
Unlike folks in namby-pamby, nonscary states such as Vermont and Rhode Island, where families have lived for generations, most Floridians first considered all the scary things here and declared: "Bring it on."
"Yippee ki-yay, Mother Nature!"
We Floridians have courage in our hearts and hair on our chests.
Yeah, that includes some of the women. But we're not scared of them either.
Besides, you folks at Estately don't know the half of it.
Sure, we have all the high-profile problems such as Cat-5 hurricanes and bull sharks that mistake legs for mullets.